“What you say is very complimentary, but I trust never to find myself again under the necessity of making such a cruel experiment.”

I left Madame F-----, thinking of the shrewdness of her answer.  She had
not told me that I was mistaken, as I had expected she would, for that
would have caused her some humiliation:  she knew that I was with M.
D——­ R——­ when the adjutant had brought her letter, and she could not
doubt that I was aware of the refusal she had met with.  The fact of her
not mentioning it proved to me that she was jealous of her own dignity;
it afforded me great gratification, and I thought her worthy of
adoration.  I saw clearly that she could have no love for M. D---- R-----,
and that she was not loved by him, and the discovery made me leap for
joy.  From that moment I felt I was in love with her, and I conceived the
hope that she might return my ardent affection.

The first thing I did, when I returned to my room, was to cross out with ink every word of her note of hand, except her name, in such a manner that it was impossible to guess at the contents, and putting it in an envelope carefully sealed, I deposited it in the hands of a public notary who stated, in the receipt he gave me of the envelope, that he would deliver it only to Madame F-----, whenever she should request its delivery.

The same evening M. F——­ came to the bank, paid me, played with cash in hand, and won some fifty ducats.  What caused me the greatest surprise was that M. D——­ R——­ continued to be very gracious to Madame F——­, and that she remained exactly the same towards him as she used to be before.  He did not even enquire what she wanted when she had sent for me.  But if she did not seem to change her manner towards my master, it was a very different case with me, for whenever she was opposite to me at dinner, she often addressed herself to me, and she thus gave me many opportunities of shewing my education and my wit in amusing stories or in remarks, in which I took care to blend instruction with witty jests.  At that time F——­ had the great talent of making others laugh while I kept a serious countenance myself.  I had learnt that accomplishment from M. de Malipiero, my first master in the art of good breeding, who used to say to me,—­

“If you wish your audience to cry, you must shed tears yourself, but if you wish to make them laugh you must contrive to look as serious as a judge.”

In everything I did, in every word I uttered, in the presence of Madame F——­, the only aim I had was to please her, but I did not wish her to suppose so, and I never looked at her unless she spoke to me.  I wanted to force her curiosity, to compel her to suspect nay, to guess my secret, but without giving her any advantage over me:  it was necessary for me to proceed by slow degrees.  In the mean time, and until I should have a greater happiness, I was glad to see that my money, that magic talisman, and my good conduct, obtained me a consideration much greater than I could have hoped to obtain either through my position, or from my age, or in consequence of any talent I might have shewn in the profession I had adopted.