He resolved that he would not be ill, a ridiculous
log for women to hang over. But the moments
of sickness grew longer and more frequent; and to drive
them away he rose from his knees, and for some time
again walked up and down; then, seized with vertigo,
he was obliged to sit on the bed to save himself from
falling. From being burning hot he had become
deadly cold, glad to cover himself with the bedclothes.
The heat soon flamed up in him again; but with a
sick man’s instinct he did not throw off the
clothes, and stayed quite still. The room seemed
to have turned to a thick white substance like a cloud,
in which he lay enwrapped, unable to move hand or
foot. His sense of smell and hearing had become
unnaturally acute; he smelled the distant streets,
flowers, dust, and the leather of his books, even
the scent left by Barbara’s clothes, and a curious
odour of river mud. A clock struck six, he counted
each stroke; and instantly the whole world seemed
full of striking clocks, the sound of horses’
hoofs, bicycle bells, people’s footfalls.
His sense of vision, on the contrary, was absorbed
in consciousness of this white blanket of cloud wherein
he was lifted above the earth, in the midst of a dull
incessant hammering. On the surface of the cloud
there seemed to be forming a number of little golden
spots; these spots were moving, and he saw that they
were toads. Then, beyond them, a huge face shaped
itself, very dark, as if of bronze, with eyes burning
into his brain. The more he struggled to get
away from these eyes, the more they bored and burned
into him. His voice was gone, so that he was
unable to cry out, and suddenly the face marched over
him.
When he recovered consciousness his head was damp
with moisture trickling from something held to his
forehead by a figure leaning above him. Lifting
his hand he touched a cheek; and hearing a sob instantly
suppressed, he sighed. His hand was gently taken;
he felt kisses on it.
The room was so dark, that he could scarcely see her
face—his sight too was dim; but he could
hear her breathing and the least sound of her dress
and movements—the scent too of her hands
and hair seemed to envelop him, and in the midst of
all the acute discomfort of his fever, he felt the
band round his brain relax. He did not ask how
long she had been there, but lay quite still, trying
to keep his eyes on her, for fear of that face, which
seemed lurking behind the air, ready to march on him
again. Then feeling suddenly that he could not
hold it back, he beckoned, and clutched at her, trying
to cover himself with the protection of her breast.
This time his swoon was not so deep; it gave way to
delirium, with intervals when he knew that she was
there, and by the shaded candle light could see her
in a white garment, floating close to him, or sitting
still with her hand on his; he could even feel the
faint comfort of the ice cap, and of the scent of
eau de Cologne. Then he would lose all consciousness