and Loraine and the occupation of Paris! [Vicious
digs with a pencil through the above proper names.]
Race for the Derby won by Sir Joseph Hawley’s
Musjid! [That’s what England cares for!
Hooray for the Darby! Italy be deedeed!] Visit
of Prince Alfred to the Holy Land. Letter from
our, own Correspondent. [Oh! Oh! A West
Minkville?] Cotton advanced. Breadstuffs declining.—Deacon
Rumrill’s barn burned down on Saturday night.
A pig missing; supposed to have “fallen a prey
to the devouring element.” [Got roasted.] A
yellow mineral had been discovered on the Doolittle
farm, which, by the report of those who had seen it,
bore a strong resemblance to California gold ore.
Much excitement in the neighborhood in consequence
[Idiots! Iron pyrites!] A hen at Four Corners
had just laid an egg measuring 7 by 8 inches.
Fetch on your biddies! [Editorial wit!] A man had
shot an eagle measuring six feet and a half from tip
to tip of his wings.—Crops suffering for
want of rain [Always just so. “Dry times,
Father Noah!”] The editors had received a liberal
portion of cake from the happy couple whose matrimonial
union was recorded in the column dedicated to Hymen.
Also a superior article of [article of! bah!] steel
pen from the enterprising merchant [shopkeeper] whose
advertisement was to be found on the third page of
this paper.—An interesting Surprise Party
[cheap theatricals] had transpired [bah!] on Thursday
evening last at the house of the Rev. Mr. Stoker.
The parishioners had donated [donated!
Give
is a good word enough for the Lord’s Prayer.
Donate our daily bread!] a bag of meal, a bushel
of beans, a keg of pickles, and a quintal of salt-fish.
The worthy pastor was much affected,
etc.,
etc.
[Of course. Call’em.
Sensation
parties and done with it!] The Rev. Dr. Pemberton and
the venerable Dr. Hurlbut honored the occasion with
their presence.—We learn that the Rev.
Ambrose Eveleth, rector of St. Bartholomew’s
Chapel, has returned from his journey, and will officiate
to-morrow.
Then came strings of advertisements, with a luxuriant
vegetation of capitals and notes of admiration.
More of those prime goods! Full Assortments
of every Article in our line! [Except the one thing
you want!] Auction Sale. Old furniture, feather-beds,
bed-spreads [spreads! ugh!], setts [setts!] crockery-ware,
odd vols., ullage bbls. of this and that, with other
household goods, etc., etc., etc.,—the
etceteras meaning all sorts of insane movables, such
as come out of their bedlam-holes when an antiquated
domestic establishment disintegrates itself at a country
“vandoo.”—Several announcements
of “Feed,” whatever that may be,—not
restaurant dinners, anyhow,—also of “Shorts,”—terms
mysterious to city ears as jute and cudbear and gunnybags
to such as drive oxen in the remote interior districts.—Then
the marriage column above alluded to, by the fortunate
recipients of the cake. Right opposite, as if