“Southdown was phurius.  He came to me hafter the ewent, and wanted me adwance 50 lb., so that he might purshew his fewgitif sister—­but I wasn’t to be ad with that sort of chaugh—­there was no more money for that famly.  So he went away, and gave huttrance to his feelinx in a poem, which appeared (price 2 guineas) in the Bel Assombly.

“All the juilers, manchumakers, lacemen, coch bilders, apolstrers, hors dealers, and weddencake makers came pawring in with their bills, haggravating feelings already woondid beyond enjurants.  That madniss didn’t seaze me that night was a mussy.  Fever, fewry, and rayge rack’d my hagnized braind, and drove sleap from my throbbink ilids.  Hall night I follered Hangelinar in imadganation along the North Road.  I wented cusses & mallydickshuns on the hinfamus Silvertop.  I kickd and rord in my unhuttarable whoe!  I seazed my pillar:  I pitcht into it:  pummld it, strangled it.  Ha har!  I thought it was Silvertop writhing in my Jint grasp; and taw the hordayshis villing lim from lim in the terrible strenth of my despare! . . .  Let me drop a cutting over the memries of that night.  When my boddy-suvnt came with my ot water in the mawning, the livid copse in the charnill was not payler than the gashly De la Pluche!

“‘Give me the Share-list, Mandeville,’ I micanickly igsclaimed.  I had not perused it for the past 3 days, my etention being engayged elseware.  Hevns & huth!—­what was it I red there?  What was it that made me spring outabed as if sumbady had given me cold pig?—­I red Rewin in that Share-list—­the Pannick was in full hoparation!

*****

“Shall I describe that kitastrafy with which hall Hengland is familliar?  My & rifewses to cronnicle the misfortns which lassarated my bleeding art in Hoctober last.  On the fust of Hawgust where was I?  Director of twenty-three Companies; older of scrip hall at a primmium, and worth at least a quarter of a millium.  On Lord Mare’s day my Saint Helenas quotid at 14 pm, were down at 1/2 discount; my Central Ichaboes at 3/8 discount; my Table Mounting & Hottentot Grand Trunk, no where; my Bathershins and Derrynane Beg, of which I’d bought 2000 for the account at 17 primmium, down to nix; my Juan Fernandez, my Great Central Oregons, prostrit.  There was a momint when I thought I shouldn’t be alive to write my own tail!”

(Here follow in Mr. Plush’s ms. about twenty-four pages of railroad calculations, which we pretermit.)

“Those beests, Pump & Aldgate, once so cringing and umble, wrote me a threatnen letter because I overdrew my account three-and-sixpence:  woodn’t advance me five thousand on 25,000 worth of scrip; kep me waiting 2 hours when I asked to see the house; and then sent out Spout, the jewnior partner, saying they wouldn’t discount my paper, and implawed me to clothes my account.  I did:  I paid the three-and-six balliance, and never sor ’em mor.