“Second edition.

“(From our Reporter.)

“Newcastle, Monday.

“I am just arrived at this ancient town, at the ’Elephant and Cucumber Hotel.’  A party travelling under the name of Mr. And Mrs. Jones, the gentleman wearing moustaches, and having with them a blue band-box, arrived by the train two hours before me, and have posted onwards to Scotland.  I have ordered four horses, and write this on the hind boot, as they are putting to.

“Third edition.

“Gretna green, Monday Evening.

“The mystery is at length solved.  This afternoon, at four o’clock, the Hymeneal Blacksmith, of Gretna Green, celebrated the marriage between George Granby Silvertop, Esq., a Lieutenant in the 150th Hussars, third son of General John Silvertop, of Silvertop Hall, Yorkshire, and Lady Emily Silvertop, daughter of the late sister of the present Earl of Bareacres, and the Lady Angelina Amelia Arethusa Anaconda Alexandrina Alicompania Annemaria Antoinetta, daughter of the last-named Earl Bareacres.

(Here follows a long extract from the Marriage Service in the Book of Common Prayer, which was not read on the occasion, and need not be repeated here.)

“After the ceremony, the young couple partook of a slight refreshment of sherry and water—­the former the Captain pronounced to be execrable; and, having myself tasted some glasses from the very same bottle with which the young and noble pair were served, I must say I think the Captain was rather hard upon mine host of the ’Bagpipes Hotel and Posting-House,’ whence they instantly proceeded.  I follow them as soon as the horses have fed.

“Fourth edition.

“Shameful treatment of our reporter.

“Whistlebinkie, N. B. Monday, Midnight.

“I arrived at this romantic little villa about two hours after the newly married couple, whose progress I have the honor to trace, reached Whistlebinkie.  They have taken up their residence at the ’Cairngorm Arms’—­mine is at the other hostelry, the ‘Clachan of Whistlebinkie.’

“On driving up to the ‘Cairngorm Arms,’ I found a gentleman of military appearance standing at the doer, and occupied seemingly in smoking a cigar.  It was very dark as I descended from my carriage, and the gentleman in question exclaimed, ’Is it you, Southdown my boy?  You have come too late; unless you are come to have some supper;’ or words to that effect.  I explained that I was not the Lord Viscount Southdown, and politely apprised Captain Silvertop (for I justly concluded the individual before me could be no other) of his mistake.

“‘Who the deuce’ (the Captain used a stronger term) ‘are you, then?’ said Mr. Silvertop.  ’Are you Baggs and Tapewell, my uncle’s attorneys?  If you are, you have come too late for the fair.’