“For instance, suppose it is an upholsterer.  What more easy, what more delightful, than the description of upholstery?  As thus:—­

“’Lady Emily was reclining on one of Down and Eider’s voluptuous ottomans, the only couch on which Belgravian beauty now reposes, when Lord Bathershins entered, stepping noiselessly over one of Tomkins’s elastic Axminster carpets.  “Good heavens, my lord!” she said—­and the lovely creature fainted.  The Earl rushed to the mantel-piece, where he saw a flacon of Otto’s eau-de-Cologne, and,’ &c.

“Or say it’s a cheap furniture-shop, and it may be brought in just as easily, as thus:—­

“‘We are poor, Eliza,’ said Harry Hardhand, looking affectionately at his wife, ’but we have enough, love, have we not, for our humble wants?  The rich and luxurious may go to Dillow’s or Gobiggin’s, but we can get our rooms comfortably furnished at Timmonson’s for 20L.’  And putting on her bonnet, and hanging affectionately on her husband, the stoker’s pretty bride tripped gayly to the well-known mart, where Timmonson, within his usual affability, was ready to receive them.

“Then you might have a touch at the wine-merchant and purveyor.  ’Where did you get this delicious claret, or pate de fois gras, or what you please?’ said Count Blagowski to the gay young Sir Horace Swellmore.  The voluptuous Bart answered, ‘At So-and-So’s, or So-and-So’s.’  The answer is obvious.  You may furnish your cellar or your larder in this way.  Begad, Snooks!  I lick my lips at the very idea.

“Then, as to tailors, milliners, bootmakers, &c., how easy to get a word for them!  Amranson, the tailor, waited upon Lord Paddington with an assortment of his unrivalled waistcoats, or clad in that simple but aristocratic style of which Schneider alone has the secret.  Parvy Newcome really looked like a gentleman, and though corpulent and crooked, Schneider had managed to give him, &c.  Don’t you see what a stroke of business you might do in this way.

“The shoemaker.—­Lady Fanny flew, rather than danced, across the ball-room; only a Sylphide, or Taglioni, or a lady chausseed by Chevillett of Bond Street could move in that fairy way; and

“The hairdresser.—­’Count Barbarossa is seventy years of age,’ said the Earl.  ’I remember him at the Congress of Vienna, and he has not a single gray hair.’  Wiggins laughed.  ‘My good Lord Baldock,’ said the old wag, ’I saw Barbarossa’s hair coming out of Ducroissant’s shop, and under his valet’s arm—­ho! ho! ho!’—­and the two bon-vivans chuckled as the Count passed by, talking with, &c. &c.

“The gunmaker.—­’The antagonists faced each other; and undismayed before his gigantic enemy, Kilconnel raised his pistol.  It was one of Clicker’s manufacture, and Sir Marmaduke knew he could trust the maker and the weapon.  “One, two, three,” cried O’Tool, and the two pistols went off at that instant, and uttering a terrific curse, the Lifeguardsman,’ &c.—­A sentence of this nature from your pen, my dear Snooks, would, I should think, bring a case of pistols and a double-barrelled gun to your lodgings; and, though heaven forbid you should use such weapons, you might sell them, you know, and we could make merry with the proceeds.