“I didn’t say that,” said Johnson, quietly.  “Only there is no internal evidence in your autographs that you knew how to spell your name if you did.  A man who signs his name Shixpur one day and Shikespeare the next needn’t complain if the Bank of Posterity refuses to honor his check.”

“They’d honor my check quick enough these days,” retorted Shakespeare.  “When a man’s autograph brings five thousand dollars, or one thousand pounds, in the auction-room, there isn’t a bank in the world fool enough to decline to honor any check he’ll sign under a thousand dollars, or two hundred pounds.”

“I fancy you’re right,” put in Raleigh.  “But your checks or your plays have nothing to do with ladies’ day.  Let’s get to some conclusion in this matter.”

“Yes,” said Confucius.  “Let’s.  Ladies’ day is becoming a dreadful bore, and if we don’t hurry up the billiard-room will be full.”

“Well, I move we get up a petition to the council to have it,” said Dryden.

“I agree,” said Confucius, “and I’ll sign it.  If there’s one way to avoid having ladies’ day in the future, it’s to have one now and be done with it.”

“All right,” said Shakespeare.  “I’ll sign too.”

“As—­er—­Shixpur or Shikespeare?” queried Johnson.

“Let him alone,” said Raleigh.  “He’s getting sensitive about that; and what you need to learn more than anything else is that it isn’t manners to twit a man on facts.  What’s bothering you, Dryden?  You look like a man with an idea.”

“It has just occurred to me,” said Dryden, “that while we can safely leave the question of Henry the Eighth and his wives to the wisdom of the council, we ought to pay some attention to the advisability of inviting Lucretia Borgia.  I’d hate to eat any supper if she came within a mile of the banqueting-hall.  If she comes you’ll have to appoint a tasting committee before I’ll touch a drop of punch or eat a speck of salad.”

“We might recommend the appointment of Raleigh to look after the fair Lucretia and see that she has no poison with her, or if she has, to keep her from dropping it into the salads,” said Confucius, with a sidelong glance at Raleigh.  “He’s the especial champion of woman in this club, and no doubt would be proud of the distinction.”

“I would with most women,” said Raleigh.  “But I draw the line at Lucretia Borgia.”

And so a petition was drawn up, signed, and sent to the council, and they, after mature deliberation, decided to have the ladies’ day, to which all the ladies in Hades, excepting Lucretia Borgia and Delilah, were to be duly invited, only the date was not specified.  Delilah was excluded at the request of Samson, whose convincing muscles, rather than his arguments, completely won over all opposition to his proposition.

CHAPTER VIII:  A DISCONTENTED SHADE

“It seems to me,” said Shakespeare, wearily, one afternoon at the club—­“that this business of being immortal is pretty dull.  Didn’t somebody once say he’d rather ride fifty years on a trolley in Europe than on a bicycle in Cathay?”