PREFACE

At the present hour, when fiction takes forms so ingenious and so specious, it is perhaps necessary to say that the following narrative, in all its parts, and so far as the punctilious attention of the writer has been able to keep it so, is scrupulously true.  If it were not true, in this strict sense, to publish it would be to trifle with all those who may be induced to read it.  It is offered to them as a document, as a record of educational and religious conditions which, having passed away, will never return.  In this respect, as the diagnosis of a dying Puritanism, it is hoped that the narrative will not be altogether without significance.

It offers, too, in a subsidiary sense, a study of the development of moral and intellectual ideas during the progress of infancy.  These have been closely and conscientiously noted, and may have some value in consequence of the unusual conditions in which they were produced.  The author has observed that those who have written about the facts of their own childhood have usually delayed to note them down until age has dimmed their recollections.  Perhaps an even more common fault in such autobiographies is that they are sentimental, and are falsified by self-admiration and self-pity.  The writer of these recollections has thought that if the examination of his earliest years was to be undertaken at all, it should be attempted while his memory is still perfectly vivid and while he is still unbiased by the forgetfulness or the sensibility of advancing years.

At one point only has there been any tampering with precise fact.  It is believed that, with the exception of the Son, there is but one person mentioned in this book who is still alive.  Nevertheless, it has been thought well, in order to avoid any appearance of offence, to alter the majority of the proper names of the private persons spoken of.

It is not usual, perhaps, that the narrative of a spiritual struggle should mingle merriment and humour with a discussion of the most solemn subjects.  It has, however, been inevitable that they should be so mingled in this narrative.  It is true that most funny books try to be funny throughout, while theology is scandalized if it awakens a single smile.  But life is not constituted thus, and this book is nothing if it is not a genuine slice of life.  There was an extraordinary mixture of comedy and tragedy in the situation which is here described, and those who are affected by the pathos of it will not need to have it explained to them that the comedy was superficial and the tragedy essential.

September 1907

CHAPTER I

This book is the record of a struggle between two temperaments, two consciences and almost two epochs.  It ended, as was inevitable, in disruption.  Of the two human beings here described, one was born to fly backward, the other could not help being carried forward.  There came a time when neither spoke the same language as the other, or encompassed the same hopes, or was fortified by the same desires.  But, at least, it is some consolation to the survivor, that neither, to the very last hour, ceased to respect the other, or to regard him with a sad indulgence.