July 16.

How my heart beats when by accident I touch her finger, or my feet meet hers under the table!  I draw back as if from a furnace; but a secret force impels me forward again, and my senses become disordered.  Her innocent, unconscious heart never knows what agony these little familiarities inflict upon me.  Sometimes when we are talking she Iays her hand upon mine, and in the eagerness of conversation comes closer to me, and her balmy breath reaches my lips, —­ when I feel as if lightning had struck me, and that I could sink into the earth.  And yet, Wilhelm, with all this heavenly confidence, —­ if I know myself, and should ever dare —­ you understand me.  No, no! my heart is not so corrupt, it is weak, weak enough but is not that a degree of corruption?

She is to me a sacred being.  All passion is still in her presence:  I cannot express my sensations when I am near her.  I feel as if my soul beat in every nerve of my body.  There is a melody which she plays on the piano with angelic skill, —­ so simple is it, and yet so spiritual!  It is her favourite air; and, when she plays the first note, all pain, care, and sorrow disappear from me in a moment.

I believe every word that is said of the magic of ancient music.  How her simple song enchants me!  Sometimes, when I am ready to commit suicide, she sings that air; and instantly the gloom and madness which hung over me are dispersed, and I breathe freely again.

July 18.

Wilhelm, what is the world to our hearts without love?  What is a magic-lantern without light?  You have but to kindle the flame within, and the brightest figures shine on the white wall; and, if love only show us fleeting shadows, we are yet happy, when, like mere children, we behold them, and are transported with the splendid phantoms.  I have not been able to see Charlotte to-day.  I was prevented by company from which I could not disengage myself.  What was to be done?  I sent my servant to her house, that I might at least see somebody to-day who had been near her.  Oh, the impatience with which I waited for his return! the joy with which I welcomed him!  I should certainly have caught him in my arms, and kissed him, if I had not been ashamed.

It is said that the Bonona stone, when placed in the sun, attracts the rays, and for a time appears luminous in the dark.  So was it with me and this servant.  The idea that Charlotte’s eyes had dwelt on his countenance, his cheek, his very apparel, endeared them all inestimably to me, so that at the moment I would not have parted from him for a thousand crowns.  His presence made me so happy!  Beware of laughing at me, Wilhelm.  Can that be a delusion which makes us happy?

July 19.

“I shall see her today!” I exclaim with delight, when I rise in the morning, and look out with gladness of heart at the bright, beautiful sun.  “I shall see her today!” And then I have no further wish to form:  all, all is included in that one thought.