Here she stopped, but after some further questions on the part of the thin lady, she said:  “I never had time or leisure to think of these questions.  I was married when I was sixteen.  I have had eight children, and they all died one after the other except this one, who was the eldest.  I used to see political exiles and prisoners, and I used to feel sympathy for them.  I used to hear about people being sent here and there, and sometimes I used to go down on my knees to my husband to do what he could for them, but I never thought about there being any particular idea at the back of all this.”  Then after a short pause she added:  “It first dawned on me at Moscow.  It was after the big strike, and I was on my way home.  I had been staying with some friends in the country, and I happened by chance to see the funeral of that man Bauman, the doctor, who was killed.  I was very much impressed when I saw that huge procession go past, all the men singing the funeral march, and I understood that Bauman himself had nothing to do with it.  Who cared about Bauman?  But I understood that he was a symbol.  I saw that there must be a big idea which moves all these people to give up everything, to go to prison, to kill, and be killed.  I understood this for the first time at that funeral.  I cried when the crowd went past.  I understood there was a big idea, a great cause behind it all.  Then I went home.

“There were disorders in Siberia:  you know in Siberia we are much freer than you are.  There is only one society.  The officials, the political people, revolutionaries, exiles, everybody, in fact, all meet constantly.  I used to go to political meetings, and to see and talk with the Liberal and revolutionary leaders.  Then I began to be disappointed because what had always struck me as unjust was that one man, just because he happened to be, say, Ivan Pavlovitch, should be able to rule over another man who happened to be, say, Ivan Ivanovitch.  And now that these Republics were being made, it seemed that the same thing was beginning all over again—­that all the places of authority were being seized and dealt out amongst another lot of people who were behaving exactly like those who had authority before.  The arbitrary authority was there just the same, only it had changed hands, and this puzzled me very much, and I began to ask myself, ‘Where is the truth?’”

“What did your husband think?” asked the thin lady.

“My husband did not like to talk about these things,” she answered.  “He says, ’I am in the Service, and I have to serve.  It is not my business to have opinions.’”

“But all those Republics didn’t last very long,” rejoined the thin lady.