And the first moment?  It was like nothing she had dreamed of.  Strange, stiff!  One darting look, and then eyes down; one convulsive squeeze, then such a formal shake of hot, dry hands, and off he had gone with Felix to his room, and she with Sheila to hers, bewildered, biting down consternation, trying desperately to behave ‘like a little lady,’ as her old nurse would have put it—­ before Sheila, especially, whose hostility she knew by instinct she had earned.  All that evening, furtive watching, formal talk, and underneath a ferment of doubt and fear and longing.  All a mistake!  An awful mistake!  Did he love her?  Heaven!  If he did not, she could never face any one again.  He could not love her!  His eyes were like those of a swan when its neck is drawn up and back in anger.  Terrible—­having to show nothing, having to smile at Sheila, at Dad, and Mother!  And when at last she got to her room, she stood at the window and at first simply leaned her forehead against the glass and shivered.  What had she done?  Had she dreamed it all—­dreamed that they had stood together under those boughs in the darkness, and through their lips exchanged their hearts?  She must have dreamed it!  Dreamed that most wonderful, false dream!  And the walk home in the thunder-storm, and his arm round her, and her letters, and his letter—­dreamed it all!  And now she was awake!  From her lips came a little moan, and she sank down huddled, and stayed there ever so long, numb and chilly.  Undress—­go to bed?  Not for the world.  By the time the morning came she had got to forget that she had dreamed.  For very shame she had got to forget that; no one should see.  Her cheeks and ears and lips were burning, but her body felt icy cold.  Then—­what time she did not know at all—­she felt she must go out and sit on the stairs.  They had always been her comforters, those wide, shallow, cosey stairs.  Out and down the passage, past all their rooms—­his the last—­to the dark stairs, eerie at night, where the scent of age oozed out of the old house.  All doors below, above, were closed; it was like looking down into a well, to sit with her head leaning against the banisters.  And silent, so silent—­just those faint creakings that come from nowhere, as it might be the breathing of the house.  She put her arms round a cold banister and hugged it hard.  It hurt her, and she embraced it the harder.  The first tears of self-pity came welling up, and without warning a great sob burst out of her.  Alarmed at the sound, she smothered her mouth with her arm.  No good; they came breaking out!  A door opened; all the blood rushed to her heart and away from it, and with a little dreadful gurgle she was silent.  Some one was listening.  How long that terrible listening lasted she had no idea; then footsteps, and she was conscious that it was standing in the dark behind her.  A foot touched her back.  She gave a little gasp.  Derek’s voice whispered hoarsely: