and Strauss, justice, marriage, and De Maupassant,
and whether people were losing their souls through
materialism, and sometimes one of them would get up
and walk about the room. But to-night the only
words she could catch were the names of two politicians
whom nobody seemed to approve of, except that nice
one who was going to bite. Once very timidly
she asked Colonel Martlett whether he liked Strauss,
and was puzzled by his answer: “Rather;
those ’Tales of Hoffmann’ are rippin’,
don’t you think? You go to the opera much?”
She could not, of course, know that the thought which
instantly rose within her was doing the governing
classes a grave injustice— almost all of
whom save Colonel Martlett knew that the ’Tales
of Hoffmann’ were by one Offenbach. But
beyond all things she felt she would never, never
learn to talk as they were all talking—so
quickly, so continuously, so without caring whether
everybody or only the person they were talking to
heard what they said. She had always felt that
what you said was only meant for the person you said
it to, but here in the great world she must evidently
not say anything that was not meant for everybody,
and she felt terribly that she could not think of
anything of that sort to say. And suddenly she
began to want to be alone. That, however, was
surely wicked and wasteful, when she ought to be learning
such a tremendous lot; and yet, what was there to
learn? And listening just sufficiently to Colonel
Martlett, who was telling her how great a man he thought
a certain general, she looked almost despairingly
at the one who was going to bite. He was quite
silent at that moment, gazing at his plate, which
was strangely empty. And Nedda thought:
’He has jolly wrinkles about his eyes, only they
might be heart disease; and I like the color of his
face, so nice and yellow, only that might be liver.
But I do like him—I wish I’d
been sitting next to him; he looks real.’
From that thought, of the reality of a man whose
name she did not know, she passed suddenly into the
feeling that nothing else of this about her was real
at all, neither the talk nor the faces, not even the
things she was eating. It was all a queer, buzzing
dream. Nor did that sensation of unreality cease
when her aunt began collecting her gloves, and they
trooped forth to the drawing-room. There, seated
between Mrs. Sleesor and Lady Britto, with Lady Malloring
opposite, and Miss Bawtrey leaning over the piano
toward them, she pinched herself to get rid of the
feeling that, when all these were out of sight of
each other, they would become silent and have on their
lips a little, bitter smile. Would it be like
that up in their bedrooms, or would it only be on
her (Nedda’s) own lips that this little smile
would come? It was a question she could not answer;
nor could she very well ask it of any of these ladies.
She looked them over as they sat there talking and
felt very lonely. And suddenly her eyes fell
on her grandmother. Frances Freeland was seated