“Take it of a dull day, for instance.  Sky overcast and the wind aidgin’ round to the sou’east, so’s you couldn’t tell whether ’twould rain or fair off; too cold to go off to the ledge cod fishin’ and too hot for billiards or bowlin’; a bunch of the younger women folks at one end of the piazza playin’ bridge; half a dozen men, includin’ me and Cap’n Jonadab, smokin’ and tryin’ to keep awake at t’other end; amidships a gang of females—­all ’fresh air fiends’—­and mainly widows or discards in the matrimony deal, doin’ fancywork and gossip.  That would be about the usual layout.

“Conversation got to you in homeopath doses, somethin’ like this: 

“’Did you say “Spades”?  Well! if I’d known you were going to make us lose our deal like that, I’d never have bridged it—­not with this hand.’

“‘Oh, Miss Gabble, have you heard what people are sayin’ about—­’ The rest of it whispers.

“’A—­oo—­Ow!  By George, Bill! this is dead enough, isn’t it?  Shall we match for the cigars or are you too lazy?’

“Then, from away off in the stillness would come a drawn-out ’Honk! honk!’ like a wild goose with the asthma, and pretty soon up the road would come sailin’ a big red automobile, loaded to the guards with goggles and grandeur, and whiz past the hotel in a hurricane of dust and smell.  Then all hands would set up and look interested, and Bill would wink acrost at his chum and drawl: 

“’That’s the way to get over the country!  Why, a horse isn’t one—­two—­three with that!  Cap’n Wixon, I’m surprised that a sportin’ man like you hasn’t bought one of those things long afore this.’

“For the next twenty minutes there wouldn’t be any dullness.  Jonadab would take care of that.  He’d have the floor and be givin’ his opinions of autos and them that owned and run ’em.  And between the drops of his language shower you’d see them boarders nudgin’ each other and rockin’ back and forth contented and joyful.

“It always worked.  No matter what time of day or night, all you had to say was ‘auto’ and Cap’n Jonadab would sail up out of his chair like one of them hot-air balloons the youngsters nowadays have on Fourth of July.  And he wouldn’t come down till he was empty of remarks, nuther.  You never see a man get so red faced and eloquent.

“It wa’n’t because he couldn’t afford one himself.  I know that’s the usual reason for them kind of ascensions, but ’twa’n’t his.  No, sir! the summer hotel business has put a considerable number of dollars in Jonadab’s hands, and the said hands are like a patent rat trap, a mighty sight easier to get into than out of.  He could have bought three automobiles if he’d wanted to, but he didn’t want to.  And the reason he didn’t was named Tobias Loveland and lived over to Orham.”

“I know Tobias,” interrupted Captain Bailey Stitt.