A Simpleton eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 491 pages of information about A Simpleton.

A Simpleton eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 491 pages of information about A Simpleton.
first time, she saw her husband’s brow lower; he seemed transfigured, and looked terrible.  “You scoundrel,” said he, “you set another villain like yourself to bid against you, and you betrayed the innocent lady that employed you.  I could indict you and your confederate for a conspiracy.  I take the goods out of respect for my wife’s credit, but you shall gain nothing by swindling her.  Be off, you heartless miscreant, or I’ll”—­

“I’ll take the law, if you do.”

“Take it, then!  I’ll give you something to howl for;” and he seized him with a grasp so tremendous that the fellow cried out in dismay, “Oh! don’t hit me, sir; pray don’t.”

On this abject appeal, Staines tore the door open with his left hand, and spun the broker out into the passage with his right.  Two movements of this angry Hercules, and the man was literally whirled out of sight with a rapidity and swiftness almost ludicrous; it was like a trick in a pantomime.  A clatter on the stairs betrayed that he had gone down the first few steps in a wholesale and irregular manner, though he had just managed to keep his feet.

As for Staines, he stood there still lowering like thunder, and his eyes like hot coals; but his wife threw her tender arms around him, and begged him consolingly not to mind.

She was trembling like an aspen.

“Dear me,” said Christopher, with a ludicrous change to marked politeness and respect, “I forgot you, in my righteous indignation.”  Next he became uxorious.  “Did they frighten her, a duck?  Sit on my knee, darling, and pull my hair, for not being more considerate—­there! there!”

This was followed by the whole absurd soothing process, as practised by manly husbands upon quivering and somewhat hysterical wives, and ended with a formal apology.  “You must not think that I am passionate; on the contrary, I am always practising self-government.  My maxim is, Animum rege qui nisi paret imperat, and that means, Make your temper your servant, or else it will be your master.  But to ill-use my dear little wife—­it is unnatural, it is monstrous, it makes my blood boil.”

“Oh, dear! don’t go into another.  It is all over.  I can’t bear to see you in a passion; you are so terrible, so beautiful.  Ah! they are fine things, courage and strength.  There’s nothing I admire so much.”

“Why, they are as common as dirt.  What I admire is modesty, timidity, sweetness; the sensitive cheek that pales or blushes at a word, the bosom that quivers, and clings to a fellow whenever anything goes wrong.”

“Oh, that is what you admire, is it?” said Rosa dryly.

“Admire it?” said Christopher, not seeing the trap; “I adore it.”

“Then, Christie, dear, you are a Simpleton, that is all.  And we are made for one another.”

The house was to be furnished and occupied as soon as possible; so Mrs. Staines and Mrs. Cole went to another sale-room.  Mrs. Staines remembered all Uncle Philip had said, and went plainly dressed; but her friend declined to sacrifice her showy dress to her friend’s interests.  Rosa thought that a little unkind, but said nothing.

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A Simpleton from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.