This visit marked a new phase in my life.  At Sainte-Severe I had been absorbed in my love and my work.  I had concentrated all my energies upon these two points.  No sooner had I arrived at Paris than a thick curtain seemed to fall before my eyes, and, for several days, as I could not understand anything, I felt astonished at nothing.  I formed a very exaggerated estimate of the passing actors who appeared upon the scene; but I formed no less exaggerated an estimate of the ease with which I should soon rival these imaginary powers.  My enterprising and presumptuous nature saw challenges everywhere and obstacles nowhere.

Though I was in the same house as my uncle and cousin, my room was on a separate floor, and henceforth I spent the greater part of my time with the abbe.  I was far from being dazed by the material advantages of my position; but in proportion as I realized how precarious or painful were the positions of many others, the more conscious I became of the comfort of my own.  I appreciated the excellent character of my tutor, and the respect my lackey showed me no longer seemed objectionable.  With the freedom that I enjoyed, and the unlimited money at my command, and the restless energy of youth, it is astonishing that I did not fall into some excess, were it only gambling, which might well have appealed to my combative instincts.  It was my own ignorance of everything that prevented this; it made me extremely suspicious, and the abbe, who was very observant, and held himself responsible for my actions, managed most cleverly to work upon my haughty reserve.  He increased it in regard to such things as might have done me harm, and dispelled it in contrary cases.  Moreover, he was careful to provide me with sufficient reasonable distractions, which while they could not take the place of the joys of love, served at least to lessen the smart of its wounds.  As to temptations to debauchery, I felt none.  I had too much pride to yearn for any woman in which I had not seen, as in Edmee, the first of her sex.

We used all to meet at dinner, and as a rule we paid visits in the evening.  By observing the world from a corner of a drawing-room, I learnt more of it in a few days than I should have done in a whole year from guesses and inquiries.  I doubt whether I should ever have understood society, if I had always been obliged to view it from a certain distance.  My brain refused to form a clear image of the ideas which occupied the brains of others.  But as soon as I found myself in the midst of this chaos, the confused mass was compelled to fall into some sort of order and reveal a large part of its elements.  This path which led me into life was not without charms for me, I remember, at its beginning.  Amid all the conflicting interests of the surrounding world I had nothing to ask for, aim at, or argue about.  Fortune had taken me by the hand.  One fine morning she had lifted me out of an abyss and put me down on a bed of roses and made me a young gentleman.  The eagerness of others was for me but an amusing spectacle.  My heart was interested in the future only on one mysterious point, the love which I felt for Edmee.