Who is king but Epiphanes?

Say —­ do you know?

Who is king but Epiphanes?

Bravo! —­ bravo!

There is none but Epiphanes,

No —­ there is none: 

So tear down the temples,

And put out the sun!

Well and strenuously sung!  The populace are hailing him ’Prince of Poets,’ as well as ‘Glory of the East,’ ‘Delight of the Universe,’ and ‘Most Remarkable of Cameleopards.’  They have encored his effusion, and do you hear? —­ he is singing it over again.  When he arrives at the hippodrome, he will be crowned with the poetic wreath, in anticipation of his victory at the approaching Olympics.

“But, good Jupiter! what is the matter in the crowd behind us?”

Behind us, did you say? —­ oh! ah! —­ I perceive.  My friend, it is well that you spoke in time.  Let us get into a place of safety as soon as possible.  Here! —­ let us conceal ourselves in the arch of this aqueduct, and I will inform you presently of the origin of the commotion.  It has turned out as I have been anticipating.  The singular appearance of the cameleopard and the head of a man, has, it seems, given offence to the notions of propriety entertained, in general, by the wild animals domesticated in the city.  A mutiny has been the result; and, as is usual upon such occasions, all human efforts will be of no avail in quelling the mob.  Several of the Syrians have already been devoured; but the general voice of the four-footed patriots seems to be for eating up the cameleopard.  ’The Prince of Poets,’ therefore, is upon his hinder legs, running for his life.  His courtiers have left him in the lurch, and his concubines have followed so excellent an example.  ‘Delight of the Universe,’ thou art in a sad predicament!  ‘Glory of the East,’ thou art in danger of mastication!  Therefore never regard so piteously thy tail; it will undoubtedly be draggled in the mud, and for this there is no help.  Look not behind thee, then, at its unavoidable degradation; but take courage, ply thy legs with vigor, and scud for the hippodrome!  Remember that thou art Antiochus Epiphanes.  Antiochus the Illustrious! —­ also ‘Prince of Poets,’ ‘Glory of the East,’ ’Delight of the Universe,’ and ‘Most Remarkable of Cameleopards!’ Heavens! what a power of speed thou art displaying!  What a capacity for leg-bail thou art developing!  Run, Prince! —­ Bravo, Epiphanes!  Well done, Cameleopard! —­ Glorious Antiochus! —­ He runs! —­ he leaps! —­ he flies!  Like an arrow from a catapult he approaches the hippodrome!  He leaps! —­ he shrieks! —­ he is there!  This is well; for hadst thou, ‘Glory of the East,’ been half a second longer in reaching the gates of the Amphitheatre, there is not a bear’s cub in Epidaphne that would not have had a nibble at thy carcase.  Let us be off —­ let us take our departure! —­ for we shall find our delicate modern ears unable to endure the vast uproar which is about to commence in celebration of the king’s escape!  Listen! it has already commenced.  See! —­ the whole town is topsy-turvy.