his marriage), and Mrs. Simmons had ingrafted on him divers exotic virtues.  He went solemnly to chapel every Sunday, under a tall hat, and put a penny—­one returned to him for the purpose out of his week’s wages—­in the plate.  Then, Mrs. Simmons overseeing, he took off his best clothes, and brushed them with solicitude and pains.  On Saturday afternoons he cleaned the knives, the forks, the boots, the kettles, and the windows, patiently and conscientiously; on Tuesday evenings he took the clothes to the mangling; and on Saturday nights he attended Mrs. Simmons in her marketing, to carry the parcels.

Mrs. Simmons’s own virtues were native and numerous.  She was a wonderful manager.  Every penny of Tommy’s thirty-six or thirty-eight shillings a week was bestowed to the greatest advantage, and Tommy never ventured to guess how much of it she saved.  Her cleanliness in housewifery was distracting to behold.  She met Simmons at the front door whenever he came home, and then and there he changed his boots for slippers, balancing himself painfully on alternate feet on the cold flags.  This was because she scrubbed the passage and door-step turn about with the wife of the downstairs family, and because the stair-carpet was her own.  She vigilantly supervised her husband all through the process of “cleaning himself” after work, so as to come between her walls and the possibility of random splashes; and if, in spite of her diligence, a spot remained to tell the tale, she was at pains to impress the fact on Simmons’s memory, and to set forth at length all the circumstances of his ungrateful selfishness.  In the beginning she had always escorted him to the ready-made clothes shop, and had selected and paid for his clothes, for the reason that men are such perfect fools, and shopkeepers do as they like with them.  But she presently improved on that.  She found a man selling cheap remnants at a street-corner, and straightway she conceived the idea of making Simmons’s clothes herself.  Decision was one of her virtues, and a suit of uproarious check tweeds was begun that afternoon from the pattern furnished by an old one.  More:  it was finished by Sunday, when Simmons, overcome by astonishment at the feat, was endued in it, and pushed off to chapel ere he could recover his senses.  The things were not altogether comfortable, he found:  the trousers hung tight against his shins, but hung loose behind his heels; and when he sat, it was on a wilderness of hard folds and seams.  Also, his waistcoat collar tickled his nape, but his coat collar went straining across from shoulder to shoulder; while the main garment bagged generously below his waist.  Use made a habit of his discomfort, but it never reconciled him to the chaff of his shopmates; for, as Mrs. Simmons elaborated successive suits, each one modelled on the last, the primal accidents of her design developed into principles, and grew even bolder and more hideously pronounced.  It was vain for Simmons to hint—­as