This conversation was cut short by Fakreddin, who came to request that Vathek would join in the prayers and ablutions to be solemnised on a spacious meadow, watered by innumerable streams.  The Caliph found the waters refreshing, but the prayers abominably irksome; he diverted himself, however, with the multitude of Calenders, Santons, and Dervises, who were continually coming and going, but especially with the Brahmins, Fakirs, and other enthusiasts, who had travelled from the heart of India, and halted on their way with the Emir.  These latter had, each of them, some mummery peculiar to himself.  One dragged a huge chain wherever he went, another an ouranoutang, whilst a third was furnished with scourges, and all performed to a charm; some clambered up trees, holding one foot in the air; others poised themselves over a fire, and without mercy filliped their noses.  There were some amongst them that cherished vermin, which were not ungrateful in requiting their caresses.  These rambling fanatics revolted the hearts of the Dervises, the Calenders, and Santons; however, the vehemence of their aversion soon subsided, under the hope that the presence of the Caliph would cure their folly, and convert them to the Mussulman faith; but, alas! how great was their disappointment! for Vathek, instead of preaching to them, treated them as buffoons, bade them present his compliments to Visnow and Ixhora, and discovered a predilection for a squat old man from the isle of Serendib, who was more ridiculous than any of the rest.

“Come!” said he, “for the love of your gods bestow a few slaps on your chops to amuse me.”

The old fellow, offended at such an address, began loudly to weep; but, as he betrayed a villainous drivelling in his tears, the Caliph turned his back and listened to Bababalouk, who whispered, whilst he held the umbrella over him:  “Your Majesty should be cautious of this odd assembly which hath been collected I know not for what.  Is it necessary to exhibit such spectacles to a mighty potentate, with interludes of Talapoins more mangy than dogs?  Were I you, I would command a fire to be kindled, and at once purge the earth of the Emir, his harem, and all his menagerie.”

“Tush, dolt!” answered Vathek; “and know that all this infinitely charms me; nor shall I leave the meadow till I have visited every hive of these pious mendicants.”

Wherever the Caliph directed his course objects of pity were sure to swarm round him:  the blind, the purblind, smarts without noses, damsels without ears, each to extol the munificence of Fakreddin, who, as well as his attendant grey-beards, dealt about gratis plasters and cataplasms to all that applied.  At noon a superb corps of cripples made its appearance, and soon after advanced by platoons on the plain, the completest association of invalids that had ever been embodied till then.  The blind went groping with the blind, the lame limped on together, and the maimed made gestures to each other with the only arm that remained; the sides of a considerable waterfall were crowded by the deaf, amongst whom were some from Pegu with ears uncommonly handsome and large, but were still less able to hear than the rest; nor were there wanting others in abundance with humpbacks, wenny necks, and even horns of an exquisite polish.