“My cousin was perplexed, and sad.  ’There are plenty of poor people in the town,’ he said, ’many of them most interesting cases, and you could have the entire care of them all.  There’d be no opposition whatever, I’m positive.’

“‘Thank you,’ replied the lady, ’but I really couldn’t go as far as the town.  They must be within easy driving distance or they are no good.’

“My cousin cudgelled his brains again.  He did not intend to let a purchaser slip through his fingers if he could help it.  At last a bright thought flashed into his mind.  ‘I’ll tell you what we could do,’ he said.  ’There’s a piece of waste land the other end of the village that we’ve never been able to do much with, in consequence of its being so swampy.  If you liked, we could run you up a dozen cottages on that, cheap—­it would be all the better their being a bit ramshackle and unhealthy—­and get some poor people for you, and put into them.’

“The lady reflected upon the idea, and it struck her as a good one.

“‘You see,’ continued my cousin, pushing his advantage, ’by adopting this method you would be able to select your own poor.  We would get you some nice, clean, grateful poor, and make the thing pleasant for you.’

“It ended in the lady’s accepting my cousin’s offer, and giving him a list of the poor people she would like to have.  She selected one bedridden old woman (Church of England preferred); one paralytic old man; one blind girl who would want to be read aloud to; one poor atheist, willing to be converted; two cripples; one drunken father who would consent to be talked to seriously; one disagreeable old fellow, needing much patience; two large families, and four ordinary assorted couples.

“My cousin experienced some difficulty in securing the drunken father.  Most of the drunken fathers he interviewed upon the subject had a rooted objection to being talked to at all.  After a long search, however, he discovered a mild little man, who, upon the lady’s requirements and charitable intentions being explained to him, undertook to qualify himself for the vacancy by getting intoxicated at least once a week.  He said he could not promise more than once a week at first, he unfortunately possessing a strong natural distaste for all alcoholic liquors, which it would be necessary for him to overcome.  As he got more used to them, he would do better.

“Over the disagreeable old man, my cousin also had trouble.  It was hard to hit the right degree of disagreeableness.  Some of them were so very unpleasant.  He eventually made choice of a decayed cab-driver with advanced Radical opinions, who insisted on a three years’ contract.

“The plan worked exceedingly well, and does so, my cousin tells me, to this day.  The drunken father has completely conquered his dislike to strong drink.  He has not been sober now for over three weeks, and has lately taken to knocking his wife about.  The disagreeable fellow is most conscientious in fulfilling his part of the bargain, and makes himself a perfect curse to the whole village.  The others have dropped into their respective positions and are working well.  The lady visits them all every afternoon, and is most charitable.  They call her Lady Bountiful, and everybody blesses her.”