“Sir,” he had said to my father, “your heaven will not attract me unless I can take my clothes and my luggage.  Yes; and I must lose my luggage and find it again.  On arriving, I must be told that it has unfortunately been taken to a wrong circle, and that there may be some difficulty in recovering it—­or it shall have been sent up to mansion number five hundred thousand millions nine hundred thousand forty six thousand eight hundred and eleven, whereas it should have gone to four hundred thousand millions, &c., &c.; and am I sure that I addressed it rightly?  Then, when I am just getting cross enough to run some risk of being turned out, the luggage shall make its appearance, hat-box, umbrella, rug, golf-sticks, bicycle, and everything else all quite correct, and in my delight I shall tip the angel double and realise that I am enjoying myself.

“Or I must have asked what I could have for breakfast, and be told I could have boiled eggs, or eggs and bacon, or filleted plaice.  ’Filleted plaice,’ I shall exclaim, ‘no! not that.  Have you any red mullets?’ And the angel will say, ’Why no, sir, the gulf has been so rough that there has hardly any fish come in this three days, and there has been such a run on it that we have nothing left but plaice.’

“‘Well, well,’ I shall say, ‘have you any kidneys?’

“‘You can have one kidney, sir’, will be the answer.

“’One kidney, indeed, and you call this heaven!  At any rate you will have sausages?’

“’Then the angel will say, ’We shall have some after Sunday, sir, but we are quite out of them at present.’

“And I shall say, somewhat sulkily, ’Then I suppose I must have eggs and bacon.’

“But in the morning there will come up a red mullet, beautifully cooked, a couple of kidneys and three sausages browned to a turn, and seasoned with just so much sage and thyme as will savour without overwhelming them; and I shall eat everything.  It shall then transpire that the angel knew about the luggage, and what I was to have for breakfast, all the time, but wanted to give me the pleasure of finding things turn out better than I had expected.  Heaven would be a dull place without such occasional petty false alarms as these.”

I have no business to leave my father’s story, but the mouth of the ox that treadeth out the corn should not be so closely muzzled that he cannot sometimes filch a mouthful for himself; and when I had copied out the foregoing somewhat irreverent paragraphs, which I took down (with no important addition or alteration) from my father’s lips, I could not refrain from making a few reflections of my own, which I will ask the reader’s forbearance if I lay before him.