and hurled him backward, blinded and stupefied.  Before he had recovered sufficiently to protect himself, I dealt him a blow upon the head that brought him quickly to the earth.  Without stopping to ascertain whether or not I had killed him, I fled precipitately to my lodgings, hastily packed my belongings, and set out for Matheron Station by the same train I had so fondly believed would convey Lona and me to our nuptial altar.  Words cannot describe the suffering I endured upon that journey.  For the first time since my terrible desertion I had an opportunity to think, and I did think, if the pulse of an overwhelming pain, perpetually recurring like the beat of a loaded wheel, can be called thought.  Although there is no insanity in our family nearer than a great-uncle, I marvel that I retained my wits under this terrible blow.  I seriously contemplated suicide, and probably should have taken my life had not my mental condition gradually undergone a change.  I was no longer conscious of suffering, nor of a desire to end my life.  I was simply indifferent.  It was all one to me whether I lived or died.  The power of loving or caring for anything or anybody had entirely left me, and when I would reflect how utterly indifferent I was even to my own father and mother, I would regard myself as an unnatural monster.  I tried to conceal my lack of affection by a greater attention to their wishes, and it was in this way that I yielded, without remonstrance, to those same views regarding my marriage, to which, but a little while before, I had made such strenuous objections as to quite enrage my father.  I was an only child, and (as often happens in such cases) my father never could be brought to realise that I had many years since attained my majority.  It had been his wish, ever since my boyhood, that I should marry your mother, and he made use, when I was nearly forty, of the selfsame insistent and coercive methods with which he had sought to subdue my will when I was but twenty, and at last he attained his end.  I had learned from friends in Bombay that not only had Rama Ragobah recovered from the blows I had given him, but that, shortly after my encounter with him, he had married Lona, she whom I had loved, God only knows how madly!  It was all one to me now whether I was married or single, living or dead.  So it was all arranged.  I myself told the lady that, so far as I then understood my feelings, I had no affection for any person on earth; but it seemed only to pique her, and I think she determined then and there to make herself an exception to this universal rule.  This is how I came to marry your mother.  There was not the slightest community of thought, sentiment, or interest between us.  The things I liked did not interest her; what she liked bored me; yet she was pre-eminently a sensible woman, and when she learned the real state of affairs was the first to suggest a separation, which was effected.  We parted with the kindliest feelings, and, as you know, remained fast friends up to her death.