He knew she had that love in her because on that night and morning he was conscious of it in himself, and conscious that in this love he became one with her.  Ah! if it had all stopped there, at the point it had reached that night.  “Yes, all that horrible business had not yet happened on that Easter eve!” he thought, as he sat by the window of the jurymen’s room.

CHAPTER XVI.

The first step.

When he returned from church Nekhludoff broke the fast with his aunts and took a glass of spirits and some wine, having got into that habit while with his regiment, and when he reached his room fell asleep at once, dressed as he was.  He was awakened by a knock at the door.  He knew it was her knock, and got up, rubbing his eyes and stretching himself.

“Katusha, is it you?  Come in,” said he.

She opened the door.

“Dinner is ready,” she said.  She still had on the same white dress, but not the bow in her hair.  She looked at him with a smile, as if she had communicated some very good news to him.

“I am coming,” he answered, as he rose, taking his comb to arrange his hair.

She stood still for a minute, and he, noticing it, threw down his comb and made a step towards her, but at that very moment she turned suddenly and went with quick light steps along the strip of carpet in the middle of the passage.

“Dear me, what a fool I am,” thought Nekhludoff.  “Why did I not stop her?” What he wanted her for he did not know himself, but he felt that when she came into his room something should have been done, something that is generally done on such occasions, and that he had left it undone.

“Katusha, wait,” he said.

“What do you want?” she said, stopping.

“Nothing, only—­” and, with an effort, remembering how men in his position generally behave, he put his arm round her waist.

She stood still and looked into his eyes.

“Don’t, Dmitri Ivanovitch, you must not,” she said, blushing to tears and pushing away his arm with her strong hard hand.  Nekhludoff let her go, and for a moment he felt not only confused and ashamed but disgusted with himself.  He should now have believed himself, and then he would have known that this confusion and shame were caused by the best feelings of his soul demanding to be set free; but he thought it was only his stupidity and that he ought to behave as every one else did.  He caught her up and kissed her on the neck.

This kiss was very different from that first thoughtless kiss behind the lilac bush, and very different to the kiss this morning in the churchyard.  This was a dreadful kiss, and she felt it.

“Oh, what are you doing?” she cried, in a tone as if he had irreparably broken something of priceless value, and ran quickly away.