When he returned to the sofa he lit a cigar, and did not speak any more.

Nekhludoff felt pained and ashamed of having offended his brother-in-law and his sister to such a degree, especially as he was going away the next day.

He parted with them in confusion, and drove home.

“All I have said may be true—­anyhow he did not reply.  But it was not said in the right way.  How little I must have changed if I could be carried away by ill-feeling to such an extent as to hurt and wound poor Nathalie in such a way!” he thought.

CHAPTER XXXIV.

THE PRISONERS START FOR SIBERIA.

The gang of prisoners, among whom was Maslova, was to leave Moscow by rail at 3 p.m.; therefore, in order to see the gang start, and walk to the station with the prisoners Nekhludoff meant to reach the prison before 12 o’clock.

The night before, as he was packing up and sorting his papers, he came upon his diary, and read some bits here and there.  The last bit written before he left for Petersburg ran thus:  “Katusha does not wish to accept my sacrifice; she wishes to make a sacrifice herself.  She has conquered, and so have I. She makes me happy by the inner change, which seems to me, though I fear to believe it, to be going on in her.  I fear to believe it, yet she seems to be coming back to life.”  Then further on he read.  “I have lived through something very hard and very joyful.  I learnt that she has behaved very badly in the hospital, and I suddenly felt great pain.  I never expected that it could be so painful.  I spoke to her with loathing and hatred, then all of a sudden I called to mind how many times I have been, and even still am, though but in thought, guilty of the thing that I hated her for, and immediately I became disgusting to myself, and pitied her and felt happy again.  If only we could manage to see the beam in our own eye in time, how kind we should be.”  Then he wrote:  “I have been to see Nathalie, and again self-satisfaction made me unkind and spiteful, and a heavy feeling remains.  Well, what is to be done?  Tomorrow a new life will begin.  A final good-bye to the old!  Many new impressions have accumulated, but I cannot yet bring them to unity.”

When he awoke the next morning Nekhludoff’s first feeling was regret about the affair between him and his brother-in-law.

“I cannot go away like this,” he thought.  “I must go and make it up with them.”  But when he looked at his watch he saw that he had not time to go, but must hurry so as not to be too late for the departure of the gang.  He hastily got everything ready, and sent the things to the station with a servant and Taras, Theodosia’s husband, who was going with them.  Then he took the first isvostchik he could find and drove off to the prison.

The prisoners’ train started two hours before the train by which he was going, so Nekhludoff paid his bill in the lodgings and left for good.