Disobedience is always a sin, if it is disobedience, that is, a refusal to submit in things that are just, to the express command of paternal authority.  The sin may be slight or grievous, the quality of its malice depending on the character of the refusal, of the things commanded and of the command itself.  In order that the offense may be mortal, the refusal must be deliberate, containing an element of contempt, as all malicious disobedience does.  The command must be express, peremptory, absolute.  And nothing must be commanded done that may not reasonably be accomplished or is not within the sphere of parental jurisdiction or is contrary to the law of God.

An order that is unreasonable or unlawful is invalid.  Not only it may, but it should be, disregarded.  It is not sufficient for a parent, wishing to oblige under pain of grievous sin, that he ask a thing done, that he express his mind on the matter; he must order it and leave no room to doubt that he means what he says.  There may be disobedience without this peremptoriness of command, but it cannot be a serious fault.  It is well also to make certain allowance for the levity and thoughtlessness of youth, especially in matters whose importance is beyond their comprehension.

It is generally admitted that parental authority, exercised in things that concern good morals and the salvation of the soul, can scarcely ever be ignored without mortal offending.  This means that besides the sin committed—­if the prohibition touches matters of sin—­there is a sin specifically different and a grievous one, of disobedience; by reason of the parental prohibition, there are two sins, instead of one.  This should be remembered by those who, against the express command of their parents, frequent bad companions, remain on the street at night, neglect their religious duty, etc.

Parents have nothing to say in the choice their children make of a state in life, that is, they may suggest, but must not coerce.  This is a matter that depends on personal tastes and the inner voicings of the spirit; having come to the age of manhood or womanhood, the party interested knows best what walk of life will make him or her happy and salvation easier.  It is therefore for them to choose, and their choice must be respected.  In this they are not bound to obey the will of their parents, and if disinclined to do so, should not.

CHAPTER LIX.  SHOULD WE HELP OUR PARENTS?

There are few things more evident to natural reason than the obligation children are under to assist their parents when necessity knocks at their door, and finding them unable to meet its harsh demands, presses them with the goad of misery and want.  Old age is weak and has to lean on strength and youth for support; like childhood, it is helpless.  Accidentally, misfortune may render a parent dependent and needy.  In such contingencies, it is not for neighbors, friends or relatives to come in and lend a helping hand; this duty devolves on the offspring, on them first and on them alone.