A. But some of them have lived too long; and there are others so miserable, that even compassion will incline thee to help them out of the world.  I can assure thee ’tis a profitable calling; for whether thou dost kill or cure, thy fees will be put in thy hand.

     B. Yes, when they are found.  But, prithee, speak no more of it,
     for I am resolved against it.

     A. What, then, art thou resolv’d for the law?  Methinks thou
     should’st have too much University learning and wit for that
     profession—­

B. And too much honesty.  But I’ll spare thee the pains of guessing, and tell thee in short what my condition is, and what I design.  My portion is all spent—­save fifty pounds; and with that I am resolved for London or some other wealthy place, where conventicles abound:  and as a man of tender conscience and infinitely dissatisfied with several things in the Church of England, I will endeavour by some means or other to force myself into an acquaintance with some of their leading men, and more especially with some of the most zealous and wonderful women among them; and this point once gained, I doubt not, but before my stock is half spent, I shall receive a call to be pastor or holder-forth in some congregation or other—­why dost smile?

A. At my friend’s design.  And I cannot but admire how it came into thy head.  Thy ability to manage such a design I know very well; but how thou wilt dispense with the knavery of it, I am yet to learn.

B. That’s a small matter.  As the world goes one must practise a little knavery, or resolve to leave the world.  Dost thou know that religious cheats are licensed by a law? and shall I live and die without taking advantage of it?  Believe me, friend, Nature has fitted me pretty well to be one of these godly mountebanks, and a little art, together with a few months’ conversation with that sort of people will supply all natural defects.  Cannot I put on, when I please, a grave and serious countenance, and with head depending on one shoulder a little more than on the other, sigh for the iniquities of the time and corruptions of the Church?  Cannot I wipe mine eyes with the fair pocket-cloth, as if I wept for all your abominations?  Cannot I grieve in spirit as if ready to burst with grief and compassion.  And cannot I likewise, when time serves, and company is disposed to be kindly affected with it, smile and fleer as takingly?  And what hurt is there in this?  Sure I may use my own face as I please.

We need scarcely say that Brown failed in his shrewd scheming; and he was soon fain to take the humble position of a schoolmaster at Kingston upon Thames, for which his acquirements qualified him.  But his literary ambition would not allow him to remain long at this drudgery, and we soon find him wandering up again to town, where he was again unfortunate.