“I lie down in my bed at night with the same feelings with which I rise in the morning.  I anticipate as much from one as from the other.  The events, emotions, and thoughts which come in my sleep are as much a part of my real life as those of the day.  Waking and sleeping are two forms of existence.  To me the latter state is full of interest and expectation.  The two states mutually act upon each other. . . .

“Hope, Faith, Wish, are the presentiments of sight, the evidences of becoming sight to the senses.  They are the forerunners of vision.  It is by them we know. . . .

“To believe is to see, not with the senses but with the higher faculties of the soul, reason, imagination, hope. . . .

“I believe that every faculty may be elevated to the state of prophecy.

“Reasoning is faith struggling with doubt.”

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CHAPTER XI

STUDYING AND WAITING

THAT “movable feast,” Thanksgiving Day, gave Isaac occasion for making this examination of conscience at five o’clock in the morning: 

“When I cast my eyes back, it seems to me that I have made some progress—­that I have grown somewhat better than I was.  Thoughts, feelings, and passions which were active in my bosom, and which, in truth, were not to be well-spoken of, have given place, I hope, to a better state of mind.

“How am I now actualizing my spiritual life?  It would be hard for me to answer at this moment.  Am I less wilful?  Do I sacrifice more than I did?  Am I more loving?  I am afraid that I am doing nothing more than I did; and therefore I took up this book to give an account of myself.

“Study occupies the best part of my time most generally.  I recite lessons in Latin and in German every day, and now intend to study English grammar again.  Then I read considerable, and write letters to my friends.  All this, added to the hours I have to spend in business, leaves me not sufficient time to meditate; and there is no opportunity here for me to go into a retired, silent place, where I can be perfectly still, which is what has the most internal effect on me, and the best and most lasting.  Two things I should and must do for my own soul’s sake:  speak less, and think less of my friends.  To do this will give me a retired place and an opportunity for silence in the midst of all that is around me.

“I feel that I am not doing anything to ameliorate the social condition of those around me who are under my influence and partial control.  Just now there seems a stand-still in this direction.  The Spirit promises to teach us in all things:  what more would it have me do in this way?  What should be my next step?  My mind has been partially drawn away from this by the present poor state of business, which keeps us cramped in our funds.

“I fear that to take less food than I now do would injure my health—­else I should fast often.