I feel at such times!  If I speak of it to my brothers, they cannot understand me, never having had the same experience.  My timidity, which does not wish to be thought of as desiring anything extra on account of my life, makes me bear it until it is unendurable.  Hence I am silent so long as it does not speak for itself, which extremity might be prevented were circumstances other than they are.  Since they are not, let it be borne with, say strength and resignation united with hope.  ’Tis this that is fabled in Prometheus and Laocooen—­and how well fabled, too.”

It is significant that after every extraordinary disturbance, such as the above, he experienced the impulse to study the credentials of claimants in the outer religious world, the envoys of the Deity to man; and this especially concerning the Catholic Church.  He goes on at once to say: 

“Of late I have felt more disposed to look into church matters than for six months past.  Last evening I made a visit to the Rev. Mr. Haight” (an Episcopal clergyman) “and conversed with him about that subject for an hour and a half.  We differed very little in our opinions.  If the Church of Rome has fallen into corruptions from her over-warmth, the Anglican has neglected some of her duties through her coldness.  And if the Anglican receives the first five or six councils as legitimate and rejects the Council of Trent as not a full one, still, as an individual, I think Rome did not establish or enjoin anything in those decrees” (the Tridentine) “which was not in harmony with the Spirit of Christ, the Scriptures, and tradition.  But the Anglican thinks she has, and hence, in his judgment, they are unwarrantable and unnecessary.”

“November 15.—­How does Jesus commune with Humanity through the Church?  Does He now commune with the Church?  Was the life given by Him to His immediate disciples all that has been given and transmitted to us, or does He now commune with the visible Church?  And how?  He promised to be with His disciples even unto the end of the world, to send the Comforter who should lead them into all truth, and to intercede for us with the Father.  The Church holds that its sacraments and forms are the visible means for communing with the invisible—­that grace is imparted through them to the worthy receiver.  Is it true that such grace is imparted?  If it is, it will be shown by its fruits.  Contrast the Catholic who believes most in the sacraments with the Quaker who does not believe in them at all as religious or moral forces.  Certainly, if the sacraments have any beneficial effect, it should be shown in the contrast between those who totally deny their efficacy and those who religiously believe in them.  Now, does this show what one would naturally expect to flow from faith in the sacraments?

“November 20.—­I feel in better health than I have ever had, both mind and body, having at the same time an increased sensitiveness, so that the touch of any one I cannot bear.  Also, I am conscious of a more constant spiritual communion.  I feel more vividly and distinctly the influence and presence—­spiritual presence—­of others.