It is plain that what Isaac Hecker is here condemning is the life of the world, wholly ordinary in its aims and motives.  It is not to be understood as a condemnation of the common lot of men, or of that life in itself.  It was only as he saw it over against his own vocation to something higher that it became repulsive, nay guilty to him. Nor was he even yet so settled in his view of the contrasted worth of the two careers between which he had to choose, as to be quite free from painful struggles.  In the entry made on the day preceding this outburst, he once more recurs to the subject of marriage: 

“Monday Evening, June 26.—­This evening the same advice that has been given me before, first by the doctor who attended me, next by my dearest friend, was given me again by a man who now resides here.”

“Tuesday Morning, June 27.—­Rather than follow this advice, I would die.  I should be miserable all my life.  Nay, death before this.  These men appear to me as natural men, but not in the same life as mine.  They are older, have more experience and more judgment than I, perhaps; but considering the point of view from which their judgment is formed, their advice does not appear to be the counsel for me.  I never can, nor will, save my health or life by such means.  If that is the only remedy, then unremedied must I remain.

“But the cause of my present state of mind is not what they suppose.  It is deeper, higher, and, O God!  Thou knowest what it is!  Wilt Thou give me hope, strength, guidance?” . . .

“Friday, June 29.—­Am I led by something higher to the life to which I am tending?  Sometimes I think it is most proper for me to return home, accept things as they are, and live a life like others—­as good, and as much better as possible.  If I can find one with whom I think I can live happily, to accept such a one, and give up that which now leads me.

“My friends would say this is the prudent and rational course—­but it appears this is not mine.  That I am here is one evidence that it is not mine.  A second is that I struggled against what led me here as much as lay in my power, until I became weak, sick, and confined to my bed.  Farther than that I could not go.

“They tell me that if I were married it would not be so with me.  I will not dispute this, although I do not believe it.  But, my good friends, that is the difficulty.  To marry is to me impossible.  You tell me this is unnatural.  Yes, my brethren, it may be unnatural, but how shall I be natural?  Must I commit that which in my sight is a crime, which I feel would make me miserable and be death to my soul?  ’But this is foolish and one-sided in you.  You are wrong-minded.  You will lose your health, your youthful joy, and the pleasure which God has, by human laws, designed you to enjoy.  You should give up these thoughts and feelings of yours and be like those around you.

“Yes, my friends, this advice I accept with love, knowing your kindness to me.  But, alas!  I feel that it comes from such a source that I cannot receive it.”