“There were no penances that I have read of that seemed to me impossible.  The vilest habits and other things that I was allowed to wear and to use gave me the greatest pleasure.  The thought of not having wherewith to cover my nakedness, to be contemned, ridiculed, and spit upon, gave me an extreme joy.  My delight consisted in wanting that which is considered necessary . . . all this I did not only do without reluctance, difficulty, and pain, but with great pleasure, ease, and joy.  They seemed as nothing, and I was as though I had scarcely need of a body in order to live, or, in other words, it seemed that I lived for the most part independent of the body.

“It was about this period that God gave me the grace which I had long desired and sighed after:  to be able to act and suffer without the idea of any recompense.  I call it a gift, for although I had so long wished and demanded of God the power to act and to love Him disinterestedly, still I was unable to do so.  I felt myself a slave and hireling in the service of God, and this mortified me and made me much ashamed of myself.  But when this grace was given, which happened unexpectedly, I could not forbear going immediately to my director to express my joy of the favor I had received, and the freedom and magnanimity of soul which it inspired me with.  I do not mean to say that the soul has no idea of any recompense, for she has it tacitly, but this is not her formal intention in her actions; for she is to such a degree animated to act for the good pleasure and sole glory of God, that she quasi forgets all else. . . .

“Sometimes I have felt singularly present and in intimate communion with certain of the saints, such as St. Francis of Assisi, St. Bonaventure, St. Thomas, St. Peter of Alcantara, our holy father Alphonsus, etc.  During this time—­and sometimes it is for many days—­the life, the virtues, the spirit with which the saint acted occupies almost exclusively my mind.  I seem to feel their presence much more intimately and really than that of those who are around me.  I understand and comprehend them better, and experience a more salutary influence from them than perhaps I would have done had I lived and been with them in their time. . . .  Twice I remember having experienced in this manner the presence of Our Blessed Lord.  While this lasted I felt myself altogether another person.  His heroic virtues, His greatness, tenderness, and love seemed to inspire me with such a desire to follow Him and imitate His example that I lost sight of all things else.  His presence excited in me a greater love and esteem for the Christian virtues than I could have acquired otherwise in years and years. . . .

“About the commencement of the second year of studies, during some weeks my faculties were drawn and concentrated to such a degree towards the centre of my soul that I was as one bereft of his exterior senses and activity.  Before the vacation I had desired to pass that time in solitude and retreat, but it was not allowed.”