“Worcester, Mass., June, ’44—­Respecting the purpose which leads me to New York I have scarcely a word to say.  Quietly, without excitement, I come with an immovable determination to be joined to the Roman Catholic Church.  There is a conviction which lies deeper than all thought or speech, which moves me with an irresistible influence to take this step, which arguments cannot reach, nor any visible power make to falter.  Words are powerless against it and inexpressive of it; to attempt to explain, or give to the intellectual mind the reasons why and wherefore, would be as impossible as to paint the heavens or to utter the eternal Word, the centre of all existence.  It would be like asking, ‘Wherefore is that which is?’ the finite questioning the infinite; an impossibility. . . .

“No man by his own wisdom can find out God; and it is only by the grace of Heaven that we come to, and by the heart perceive, the true Church of Jesus Christ.  Grace teaches us to feel and know that which before was unfelt, unknown, invisible.  Perfect submission to His love breaks open all seals, unlocks all mysteries, and unfolds all difficulties. . . .

“No external event of any kind or character induces me to take this step.  If what does is delusion, what to name my former life I am at a loss to know. . .

“The heads of the college here appear to be men of good character, devoted to the Church, innocent of the Protestant world of literature, philosophy, etc.  The president is a very social, frank, warm-hearted man, of more extensive acquaintance in the world of letters.”

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CHAPTER XVII

ACROSS THE THRESHOLD

FROM Worcester Isaac went on to New York, stopping on the way to make a brief visit to the Fourierite community in New Jersey, known as the North American Phalanx.  He probably had some personal acquaintances there whom he hoped to inoculate with his newly-found certitude.  He reached home June 20, 1844, and five days later presented his letter to Bishop McCloskey.  Concerning the acquaintance then begun, which, on the bishop’s part, soon took the form of a discerning and wise direction, and eventually deepened into a life-long friendship, we shall have more to say hereafter.  The diary chronicles their first meeting and gives the reason of the brief delay which ensued before Isaac was admitted to conditional baptism.  The bulk of the entries made between this date and that of his formal reception into the Church, the first of August, contains spiritual doctrine of a kind so eminently characteristic of Father Hecker throughout his life that we continue to make extracts from it: 

“New York, June 25, 1844.—­This morning I went to see Bishop McCloskey.  I found him a man of fine character, mild disposition, and of a broader education than any of the Catholics I have had the pleasure of meeting.  He was acquainted with Brownson’s writings and Emerson’s, and personally knew Mr. Channing, whom he had met at Rome.  He loaned me some books on matters pertaining to the Church.  He is to be gone for a fortnight from New York, and I am to wait until he comes back before I take any further steps toward being united with the Church.”