“Although my meals are made of unleavened bread and figs, and my drink is water, and I eat no more than supports my body, yet do I feel sinfully self-indulgent.”

He resolves, moreover, to trouble himself no more about the fact that he cannot continue his studies.  On this subject, and on the passivity to which he was now compelled, he had written as explicitly as he could to his friend Brownson, and on June 7 he received a response which had such an immediate result upon his future that we transcribe it entire: 

“Mt.  Bellingham, June 6, 1844.—­My dear Isaac:  I thank you for your letter, and the frankness with which you speak of your present interior state.  You ask for my advice, but I hardly know what advice to give.  There is much in your present state to approve, also much which is dangerous.  The dreamy luxury of indulging one’s thoughts and ranging at ease through the whole spirit-world is so captivating, and when frequently indulged in acquires such power over us, that we cease to be free men.  The power to control your thoughts and feelings and to fix them on what object you choose is of the last necessity, as it is the highest aim of spiritual culture.  Be careful that you do not mistake a mental habit into which you have fallen for the guidance of the All-wise.  Is it not the very sacrifice you are appointed to make, to overcome this spiritual luxury and to become able to do that which is disagreeable?  Where is the sacrifice in following what the natural tendencies and fixed habits of our mind dispose us to do?  What victory have you acquired, what power to conquer in the struggle for sanctity do you possess, when you cannot so far control your thoughts and feelings as to be able to apply yourself to studies which you feel are necessary?  Here is your warfare.  You have not won the victory till you have become as able to drudge at Latin or Greek as to give up worldly wealth, pleasures, honors, or distinctions.

“But, my dear Isaac, you cannot gain this victory alone, nor by mere private meditation and prayer.  You can obtain it only through the grace of God, and the grace of God only through its appointed channels.  You are wrong.  You do not begin right.  Do you really believe the Gospel?  Do you really believe the Holy Catholic Church?  If so, you must put yourself under the direction of the Church.  I have commenced my preparations for uniting myself with the Catholic Church.  I do not as yet belong to the family of Christ.  I feel it.  I can be an alien no longer, and without the Church I know, by my own past experience, that I cannot attain to purity and sanctity of life.  I need the counsels, the aids, the chastisements, and the consolations of the Church.  It is the appointed medium of salvation, and how can we hope for any good except through it?  Our first business is to submit to it, that we may receive a maternal blessing.  Then we may start fair.