There is another cry, which, from the strictest observation I can make, appears to be very modern, and it is that of sweethearts,[174] and is plainly intended for a reflection upon the female sex, as if there were at present so great a dearth of lovers, that the women instead of receiving presents from men, were now forced to offer money, to purchase sweethearts.  Neither am I sure, that the cry doth not glance at some disaffection against the government; insinuating, that while so many of our troops are engaged in foreign service, and such a great number of our gallant officers constantly reside in England, the ladies are forced to take up with parsons and attorneys:  But, this is a most unjust reflection, as may soon be proved by any person who frequents the Castle, our public walks, our balls and assemblies, where the crowds of toupees[175] were never known to swarm as they do at present.

There is a cry, peculiar to this City, which I do not remember to have been used in London, or at least, not in the same terms that it has been practised by both parties, during each of their power; but, very unjustly by the Tories.  While these were at the helm, they grew daily more and more impatient to put all true Whigs and Hanoverians out of employments.  To effect which, they hired certain ordinary fellows, with large baskets on their shoulders, to call aloud at every house, “Dirt to carry out;” giving that denomination to our whole party, as if they would signify, that the kingdom could never be cleansed, till we were swept from the earth like rubbish.  But, since that happy turn of times, when we were so miraculously preserved by just an inch, from Popery, slavery, massacre, and the Pretender, I must own it prudence in us, still to go on with the same cry, which hath ever since been so effectually observed, that the true political dirt is wholly removed, and thrown on its proper dunghills, there to corrupt, and be no more heard of.

But, to proceed to other enormities:  Every person who walks the streets, must needs observe the immense number of human excrements at the doors and steps of waste houses, and at the sides of every dead wall; for which the disaffected party have assigned a very false and malicious cause.  They would have it, that these heaps were laid there privately by British fundaments, to make the world believe, that our Irish vulgar do daily eat and drink; and, consequently, that the clamour of poverty among us, must be false, proceeding only from Jacobites and Papists.  They would confirm this, by pretending to observe, that a British anus being more narrowly perforated than one of our own country; and many of these excrements upon a strict view appearing copple crowned, with a point like a cone or pyramid, are easily distinguished from the Hibernian, which lie much flatter, and with lest continuity.  I communicated this conjecture to an eminent physician, who is well versed in such profound speculations; and at my request was pleased