“’When Jim went into business and failed,
      I signed his notes and freed him from the strife
    Which bankruptcy and ruin hath entailed
      On them that lead a queer financial life.

    “’Then, penniless, I learned that Jim had set
      Aside before his failure—­hard to tell!—­
    A half a million dollars on his pet—­
      His Mrs. Jim—­the former lovely Nell.

    “’That wearied me of Jim.  It may be right
      For one to bear another’s cross, but I
    Quite fail to see it in its proper light,
      If that’s the rule man should be guided by.

    “’And since a fate perverse has had the wit
      To mix us up so that the one’s deserts
    Upon the shoulders of the other sit,
      No matter how the other one it hurts,

    “’I am resolved to take some mortal’s life;
      Just when, or where, or how, I do not reck,
    So long as law will end this horrid strife
      And twist my dear twin brother’s sinful neck.’”

“There,” said the Idiot, putting down the manuscript.  “How’s that?”

“I don’t like it,” said Mr. Whitechoker.  “It is immoral and vindictive.  You should accept the hardships of life, no matter how unjust.  The conclusion of your poem horrifies me, sir.  I—­”

[Illustration:  CURING INSOMNIA]

“Have you tried your hand at dialect poetry?” asked the Doctor.

“Yes; once,” said the Idiot.  “I sent it to the Great Western Weekly.  Oh yes.  Here it is.  Sent back with thanks.  It’s an octette written in cigar-box dialect.”

“In wh-a-at?” asked the Poet.

“Cigar-box dialect.  Here it is: 

    “’O Manuel garcia alonzo,
      Colorado especial H. Clay,
    Invincible flora alphonzo,
      Cigarette panatella el rey,
    Victoria Reina selectas—­
      O twofer madura grande—­
    O conchas oscuro perfectas,
      You drive all my sorrows away.’”

“Ingenious, but vicious,” said the School-master, who does not smoke.

“Again thanks.  How is this for a sonnet?” said the Idiot: 

    “’When to the sessions of sweet silent thought
    I summon up remembrance of things past,
    I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,
    And with old woes new wail my dear time’s waste: 
    Then can I drown an eye, unused to flow,
    For precious friends hid in death’s dateless night,
    And weep afresh love’s long since cancel’d woe,
    And moan the expense of many a vanish’d sight: 
    Then can I grieve at grievances foregone,
    And heavily from woe to woe tell o’er
    The sad account of fore-bemoaned moan,
    Which I now pay as if not paid before. 
    But if the while I think of thee, dear friend! 
    All losses are restored and sorrows end.’”

“It is bosh!” said the School-master.  The Poet smiled quietly.