“Why, tha sewerly doesn’t meean to bury me in a silk hat?”

“Noa, aw dooant think awst ivver have th’ luck to bury thi at all!  But aw want thi to begin an goa to th’ chapel reglar, an let Mistress Swindle see at her husband isn’t th’ only one at can turn aght like a gentleman.”

“Tha’ll be like to pleeas thisen abaat it, but aw thowt it wor me tha wor praad on an net mi hat.”

“Tha gets some strange nooations into thi heead, Sammywell.  If ther’s owt abaat thi for onny woman to be praad on awm sewer aw dooant know whear it is.  But as sooin as tha’s finished thi pipe aw want thi to get shaved, an put on thi best Sundy suit an goa wi me into Westgate an get a new hat—­one o’th best ther is i’th shop, if it taks all th’ brass aw have i’ mi pocket.  Aw’ll let Mistress Swindle see at shoo connot crow ovver me!”

Soa Sammywell went aght to be shaved, an Mally began to get ready to goa wi him, as sooin as he should be all fixed up to suit her.

“Nah, Sammywell,” sed Mally, as sooin as they wor ready to set off, “Aw dunnot want thee to say a word when we get to th’ shop.  Aw’ll do what tawkin has to be done, an if aw connot get thee a better hat nor that tha has on thi heead, and one to seem thi better, aw shall know th’ reason why.  Aw can hardly fashion to walk daan th’ street wi thi, but it isn’t varry far an we happen shalln’t meet onnybody we know.”

When they walked into th’ shop, Mally went up to th’ caanter and sed, “Young man,—­aw want to buy a new silk top hat, latest fashion, best quality, price noa object, if its under ten shillin, to suit this elderly gentleman, an luk sharp abaat it, for we’re prepared to pay ready brass.”

“Certainly, maam,” an he sooin had two or three ready for him to try on.  “How will this suit?—­latest style.”

“That willn’t do at all.  It maks him luk like a pill doctor.  He wants a chapel-gooin hat.”

“Well, here’s the very thing.  Just the style for an old man.”

“Then aw dooant want it!  He’s net an old man!  He’s noa older nor yo’ll be if yo live as long.  Why, that maks him luk like a local praicher aght o’ wark!”

“How will this suit?  This style is very much worn.”

“Aw dooant want one at’s been worn.  Noa second hand hats for me.”

Th’ shopman didn’t loise his patience, but tried one after another wol th’ caanter wor piled up wi hats, but nooan on em suited.

“Aw dooant know ha it is,” sed Mally, “a big shop like this an cant get a daycent lukkin hat!  Awm sewer there must be one if onnybody’d sense to find it.  Here’s one, try this.”

Sammywell put it on.  “That’s the ticket!  That luks like summat!  Aw knew aw could find one!  Ha does it feel?  Is it comfortable?” an shoo twisted it to one side and then twisted it back agean.  “Nah, what do yo want for that,—­an remember,—­ready brass?”

“I cannot charge for that, because that’s the hat he came in.”