Contents

Grimes’ New Hat. 
Sammywell Sweeps th’ Chimley. 
Hepsabah’s Hat. 
Old Dave to th’ New Parson. 
Sammywell’s Eggsperiment. 
What came of a Clock Almanac. 
Sammywell’s Reformation. 
Sheffield Smook. 
Awr Lad. 
Grimes’ Galloway. 
True Blue; A Romance of Factory Life. 
“If aw wor a Woman.” 
Sammywell’s Soft Snap. 
A Bashful Bradfordian. 
Th’ Owd, Owd Story. 
Jim Nation’s Fish-shop. 
Bob Brierley’s Bull Pup. 
Troubles and Trials. 
Earnin’ a Honest Penny. 
Th’ Next Mornin’. 
Christmas Oysters. 
Chairley’s Coortin. 
What a Gallus Button did.

Grimes’ New Hat.

“Sammywell, has ta seen Swindle latly?”

“Nay, Mally, aw havn’t seen him for a matter ov two or three wick.”

“Well, aw wish tha’d been at chapel yesterdy mornin.”

“Wor ther summat extra like.”

“Eah, ther wor summat extra; an summat at wod ha made thee oppen thi e’en.  Aw wor nivver so surprised i’ mi life.  Swindle an his wife wor thear,—­an tho’ it isn’t oft aw tak noatice o’ fowk, aw couldn’t help dooin soa, an it wor a treeat to see em.”

“Aw can believe thi weel enuff; ther’s net monny wimmen as hansome as Mistress Swindle.”

“Awm not tawkin abaat Mistress Swindle; tha knows better nor that, awd like to know what ther is hansome abaat her?  Shoo’s noa style abaat her.  Shoo’s a gurt brussen thing!  But Swindle is a gooid-lukkin chap, an awm sewer onnybody could ha mistakken him for a real gentleman.  He’d a grand suit o’ clooas on, as hansome as onny man need wear at his wife’s funeral, an noa sign o’ muck under his fingernails, an he’d a silk top hat on at shane like a lukkin glass!”

“Why, what bi that?  Aw’ve a silk top hat, but aw nivver wear it.”

“Noa, an tha nivver will wear it, unless tha walks aght bi thisen!  It isn’t fit to be seen at a hen race.  Aw wodn’t be seen walkin aght wi thi wi sich a thing on thi heead.  But aw meean thi to ha one an aw’ll pay for it aght o’ mi own pocket, but aw’ll goa wi’ thi to buy it, for if tha went bi thisen tha’d let em shove onny sooart ov a oldfashioned thing onto thi, but they’ll find they’ve a different body to deal wi when awm thear.”

“It’s varry gooid o’ thee, Mally, to offer to buy me a new hat, but aw railly dooant want one.  Yond hat o’ mine is as gooid as new for aw havn’t had it on a duzzen times.  Tha knows aw nivver wear it nobbut when aw goa to th’ chapel.  It isn’t aboon twelve month sin aw gave ten shilling for it.”

“It’s soa much bigger shame for thi to tell it.  It shows ha oft tha goes to a place o’ worship.  A fine example tha sets to Jerrymier an th’ rest o’ thi gron-childer.  But awd have thee to know at tha’rt net as young as tha used to be, an its abaat time tha wor thinkin o’ thi latter end.  Tha may be deead an burried befoor long an tha owt to prepare.”