A Neet at “Widup’s Rest.”

We’ve mooast on us, at one ’time or another, accidentally dropt amang company withaat havin ony idea o’ spendin mich time wi’ em, an’ yet we’ve kept stoppin an’ stoppin, feelin as happy as con be, an’ niver thinkin for a minit what a blowin-up we should get when we landed hooam.  An’ aw’ve mony a time thowt ‘at a body enjoys a bit ov a doo o’ that sooart a deal better nor a grand set affair, becoss when a body expects nowt it’s hardly likely he’ll be disappointed.  Well, it wor one day last winter ‘at aw’d walked monny a weary mile, an’ it wor commin dark, when aw called at “Widdup’s Rest,” to see if aw could get owt to comfort me old inside, for aw wor feelin varry wamley.  As sooin as th’ lonlady saw me shoo ax’d me to step forrads into another raam, which aw did, an’ fan a few chaps set raand a fire fit to rooast a bull, an’ lukkin varry jolly.  As sooin as they saw me they made raam for me at th’ hob end, an’ began talkin to me as friendly as if they’d known me all ther life.  Aw sooin began to feel varry mich at hooam wi’ em, an’ as th’ lonlady browt in some basins o’ hot stew ’at shoo wodn’t be paid for, (an old trick to get fowk to spend twice as mich another rooad) an’ as another chap wod pay for all we had to sup an’ smook, aw thowt aw mud ha gone farther an’ fared worse.  It worn’t long befoor some moor coom droppin in (ha that happens aw dooant know, but aw darsay you’ll ha nooaticed it monny a time yorsen, ’at if ther’s owt stirrin ’at’s cheap ther’s allus a certain class o’ fowk ’at drop in accidentally).

After a bit, we mustered a varry nice pairty ov abaat a dozen, an’ as iverybody wor tawkin at once we managed to mak a fairish din.  But at last one o’th’ chaps proposed ‘at we should have a cheerman, an’ see if we couldn’t conduct business in a moor sensible manner.  Ivery body sed, “hear, hear!” an’ ov cooarse th’ chap ’at wor standin sam wor voated in, which seemed to give him mich satisfaction, an aw couldn’t help thinking ‘at he worn’t th’ furst chap ‘at had getten put i’ sich a position for his brass an’ net his brains.

After “order” had been called two or three times bi every body i’th’ place, th’ cheerman stood up an’ sed, “Gentlemen, aw feel varry praad to okkipy this cheer, an’ aw’ll do mi best to discharge the duties that disolves upon me at this important crikus, an’ aw think if ony body wants to order owt they’d better do it at once, soas we shalln’t have ony interruptions.”  We all shaated, “hear, hear!” agean, an’ th’ lonlady wor i’th’ raam befoor we’d time to ring th’ bell.  When we’d all getten supplied th’ cheerman stood up agean, an’ knockin th’ table wi’ a empty ale bottle, sed, “silence!”

We ivery one shaated “silence!” an’ luk’d daggers at one another for makkin sich a din, an’ then he went on to say, “Gentlemen, as aw’m a stranger amang yo, ov coorse aw dooant know mich abaat yo, but aw should be varry mich pleeased if one on yo wod oblige bi singing a song.”