Abraham’s Sparrib.

Old Abraham wor a jolly sooart ov a chap, an’ he luk’d like it, for he’d a face ommost as big as a warmin pan, and it tuk ommost as mich stuff to mak him a waistcoit as wod mak some chaps a suit o’ clooas, an’ fowk ’at knew him varry weel sed he wor as fond ov his guts as he wor praad on ’em.  Be that as it may, ther wor seldom a feed onywhear for two or three miles raand but what Abe wor sure to be thear, an’ ther wornt a place within a day’s march, whear they made a gooid meal for little brass, but what he knew it.  When he wor young he wor put ’prentice to a cook-shop, but befoor he’d been a year th’ chap failed, an’ when th’ bums had fetched aat all th’ bits o’ furniture, the maister stood opposite young Abe, wi tears in his een, an’ he sed, ’Abraham, if tha’d been livin when thi name-sake wor, it wod ha been a bad job for th’ Israelities.  Awve tewd hard for monny a year, an’ after all, awve nowt to see for it but thee.’  ‘Well,’ sed Abe, ’its a bitter pill, noa daat, but yo mun swallow it as weel as yo can.’  ’Swallow it! if it wor thee tha mud swallow it, for tha’s swallowed all ther wor, an thart all ther is left for mi pains.’

’Well, maister, yo cannot charge me wi ingratitude for awve stuck to yo to th’ last, an if yo like to start another shop, yo’ll find me to depend on.’  ‘Aw dooant daat thi for a minnit, lad, but to be plain wi’ thi, it’ll be noa use me oppenin another shop unless tha shuts thine up.’  Soa they parted, an Abe grew into a man, an wheariver he wor fed he didn’t disgrace his pastur.  At th’ time awm tellin abaat he worked in a warehaase wi two or three moor, an’ one mornin when th’ waggon coom ther wor a big parcel for Abe, an’ one o’ thease chaps couldn’t do but luk what wor in it, an’ yo may fancy ha suited they wor when they saw a side o’ sparrib.  It wor sooin decided to have a lark, an’ one o’th’ chaps propooased to send it to th’ ‘Three Doves,’ wi orders to cook it for th’ supper, and to provide puttates &c. for a duzzen.  Abe wornt long befoor he coom, soa one on ’em tell’d him ’at they’d been tawkin abaat having a bit ov a doo, an’ they should be varry glad if he’d join ’em.  Abe sed he had an engagement, but he’d put it off, an’ they mud expect him.

They knew a few chums ‘at could enjoy a spree an’ soa they invited ’em to mak up th’ number, an’ let’ em into th’ secret.  At eight o’ clock they wor all i’ ther places, an’ in coom a big dish wi’ this sparrib nicely rooasted.  Abe wor vooated into th’ cheer to cut it up an’ deeal it aat, an’ he did it wi’ a willin hand.  After sarvin ’em all he helped hissen, an’ it began to disappear like magic.  Abe thowt he’d niver been at sich a jolly do in his life, ivery body seemed i’ sich gooid spirits, an’ they laft wol he feeared they’d chooak.  He wor as jolly as ony on ‘em, but he didn’t let it interfere wi’ his business.  Come lads,’ he sed, ’pass up yor plates! let’s see if we connot finish it, for awm sure its grand.’