Bi this time all th’ fowk wor gethered raand, an’ th’ parson luk’d throo one to another, to see if they could explain matters, but they wor all fast amang it.

Alick wor standin lukkin raand in a sackless sooart ov a way, when all at once he spied th’ widder amang ’em, soa ponitin her aght he sed, ’Jack’s widder thear can tell yo all abaat it, it’s been made up between them two, an’ a varry gooid pair they’ll mak, an’ if he cannot shave her, shoo’ll be able to lather him.  Tha knows awm a man o’ mi word, Hannah Maria, an’ aw sed aw’d bring him.’

All th’ nooatice th’ widder tuk wor to shak her neive in his face, an’ as they all could see ha drunk Alick wor, they left him standin wol they locked all th’ doors an’ prepared to have a hunt for th’ chap ’at had run up stairs.  But Tommy wor detarmined net to be catched if he could help’ it, an’ a fine race he led’ em, for he flew ovver th’ pews like a cat, an’ as th’ door-keeper, an’ pew oppener, an’ th’ parson ran after him, th’ wimmen kept gettin into ther rooad, an’ ovver they tummeld knockin th’ cannels aght as they fell, an’ of all th’ skrikin an’ screamin yo iver heeard, it licked all.

Alick wor bi hissen daan stairs, an’ wor feelin rayther misty amahg it, but when he heard all th’ noise he bethowt him ’at it must be a pairt o’th’ ceremony, an’ he began to feel excited.

’Keep it up owd lad!  Gooid lad Tommy!  Thar’t a cock burd!  By gow I tha niver should ha been a barber!  Two hauf-craans to one on th’ little en!’

But they catched him at last; an’ as they didn’t know who it wor, an’ he wor soa covered wi’ muck an dust wol it wor hard to tell, they browt him daan stairs whear ther wor a better leet.

When th’ parson saw who it wor he could hardly believe his een, an’ all t’ others put ther hands as if they thowt th’ roof worn’t safe.

‘Thomas,’ sed th’ parson solemnly, ’I’m sorry to see thou hast fallen.  Thy race here is run.’

‘Well, he ran weel didn’t he?’ sed Alick.  Ther wor moor nor him fell i’ that race, or else ther wor a deeal o’ skrikin for nowt.  But it just suits me, aw wodn’t ha missed it for a shillin! aw wor niver at th’ makkin ov a deacon afoor, it’s three times as mich fun as makkin a free mason.’

Tommy tried to spaik, but he wor soa aght o’ wind wol he couldn’t say a word, an’ as sooin as th’ doors wor oppened he made a bolt for hooam.  Alick follerd him, but fan th’ door locked, soa he went hooam too.

Next mornin, nawt her on ’em could exactly tell what had happened th’ neet afoor, but Alick went to pay Tommy a visit.  What wor sed aw dooant know, but they tell me ’at Alick’s shaved hissen iver sin, for he doesn’t seem to like th’ idea o’ Tommy bein soa varry near him wi’ a razor.

Ov course Tommy worn’t made a deacon, an’ what wor war nor all he lost th’ widder into th’ bargain.

They did try to get him to join th’ Good Templars; an’ Alick sed if he wanted to be a member he’d promise to see’ at he wor thear i’ time if he had to sit up another neet for it; ‘an tha knows awm a man o’ mi word, doesn’t ta, Tommy?’