Mrs Spaiktruth’s Pairty.

It ud be a gooid thing if somdy could find a remedy for backbitin an’ gossipin:—­for lyin an’ stailin an’ a lot moor things o’th’ same sooart ’at’s varry common.  Last year aw gate an invitation to a woman’s tea drinkin, an’ ov coarse aw went, for aw niver miss a chonce o’ enjoyin mysen if aw can do it withaat mich expense.  Th’ warst o’ this do wor’ at ther wor noa man amang, em but me, an’ aw shouldn’t a been thear, but Mistress Spaiktruth wanted me to repoart th’ speeches, an’ as shoo wor givin th’ pairty shoo set at th’ end o’th’ table an’ teem’d aght th’ teah an’ Mistress Snipenooas put th’ rum in.  After iverybody had getten supplied ther wor quietness for abaat five minutes, an’ altho’ nobdy wanted owt to ait, fatty cakes an’ buttered muffins went aght o’th’ seet like winkin.  After th’ second cup one or two began whisperin a bit, an’ after th’ third, it wor like being i’ th’ middle ov a lot o’ geese; they wor all cacklin at once, an’ judging bi th’ smiles o’ ther faces they felt very happy.  When th’ pots wor sided (an’ they’d takken gooid care to leave nowt but th’ pots to side), they drew up in a ring raand th’ fire, an’ Mrs. Spaiktruth wor put i’th’ rockin chair to rule th’ proceedins.

‘Nah, lasses,’ shoo sed, ’aw havnt mich to say nobbut to tell yo all at yor varry welcome, an’ aw hooap yo’ve all made a gooid drinkin (’we have lass!’) ’an aw hooap we shall have some gooid speeches throo some on yo’, for aw know thers some gooid tawkers amang yo, but this year’s meetin is to be conducted on a different plan to onny we’ve had befoor.  Ther hasn’t to be ony gossipin or backbitin, an’ them ’at cannot say a few words withaat scandalizin ther neighbours, blagardin ther own husbands, or throwin aght hints likely to injure sombdy’s else, munnot spaik at all.’

When Mrs. Spaiktruth had finished, th’ wimmen luk’d one at another, fast what to mak on it.  Two or three o’th’ older end settled thersen daan for a sleep, an’ th’ rest luk’d as faal as a mule i’ th’ sulks.  Aw pooled aght mi book to tak daan th’ speeches, an’ this is my repooart.—­

   1st Speech.—­’Let’s goa lasses.’
   2nd Speech.—­’Ther’s nowt to stop here for.’
   3rd Speech.—­’Aw’ll goa too, awm feard o’ goin bi mysen i’ th’
      dark.’
   4th Speech.—­’Awr childer’ll be waitin for me.’
   5th Speech.—­’It’s my weshin day to morn, soa aw want to get to
      bed i’ daycent time.’
   6th Speech.—­(Five or six at once) ‘Come on.’

Th’ meetin braik up varry early, an’ as sooin as they’d getten aght side, aw heeard ’em sayin ’at Mistress Spaiktruth wor naa better nor shoo should be, an’ if shoo thowt shoo could put on airs wi’ them shoo wor varry mich mistakken, an’ as for gossipin, shoo wor th’ longest tongued woman i’ th’ neighbourhood, an’ they declared they’d niver enter a haase shoo kept agean.  Aw saw Mrs. Spaiktruth next day, an’ aw sed, ‘ther worn’t mich tawkin at yor teah drinkin last neet,’ shoo smiled, but all shoo sed wor ‘Silence is better nor slander.’