“Bunbury, old sailor,” I said, swallowing a lump in my throat, “you have done me good; you have made me feel ashamed of myself.”

* * * * *

There can be no doubt that Bunbury is right.  I am so convinced of it that when next my tailor inquires anxiously what steps are being taken for the distribution of prize-money I shall put the matter to him just as Bunbury put it to me.  He is certain to understand.

* * * * *

=Commercial Candour.=

    “The newest fashions are now being displayed in ——­’s new
    dress salons, so that it is an easy matter to select an entire
    winter outfit with the minimum of ease.”—­Evening Paper.

* * * * *

    “Sir Harry Johnston’s ‘The Gay Donkeys’ has passed its fifth
    edition in London.”—­Australian Magazine.

A clear case for the S.P.C.A. (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Authors).

* * * * *

[Illustration:  ENCOURAGE HOME INDUSTRIES.

LORD ROBERT CECIL.  “I TRUST THAT AFTER ALL WE MAY SECURE AT LEAST YOUR
QUALIFIED SUPPORT FOR OUR LEAGUE OF NATIONS?”

U.S.A.  PRESIDENT-ELECT:  “WHY, WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH OURS?”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Stout Gentleman (overhearing political discussion).  “LOOK HERE, MY GOOD FELLOW—­I’VE BEEN LISTENING TO YOUR ARGUMENTS; AND LET ME TELL YOU WE’RE ALL IN THE SAME BOAT.”

Politician.  “LUMME, GUV’NOR, YOU’D BETTER COME IN THE MIDDLE OF IT THEN.”]

* * * * *

=UNAUTHENTIC IMPRESSIONS.=

I think the time has come for me to follow the example of so many other people and offer to the world a few pen pictures of prominent statesmen of the day.  I shall not call them “Shaving Papers from Downing Street,” nor adopt the pseudonym of “The Man with the Hot Water (or the Morning Tea),” nor shall I roundly assert that I have been the private secretary, the doctor, the dentist or the washerwoman of the great men of whom I speak.  Nevertheless I have sources of information which I do not mean to disclose, except to say that heavy persons who sit down carelessly on sofas may unknowingly inflict considerable pain, through the sharp ends of broken springs, on those beneath.

I shall begin naturally with Mr. LLOYD GEORGE.

There is probably no statesman of whom such widely different estimates have been formed as the present Prime Minister of Great Britain.  I have heard him compared with THEMISTOCLES, with MACCHIAVELLI, with MIRABEAU (I think it was MIRABEAU, but it may have been one of those other people beginning with “M” in French history.  Almost everybody in French history began with an “M,” like the things that were drawn by the three little girls in the well), and even with the younger PITT.