* * *

A Prohibitionist asserts that Scotland will be dry in five years.  Our own feeling is that these end-of-the-world prognostications should be prohibited by law.

* * *

An Oxford professor has made himself the subject of a series of experiments on the effects of alcohol.  Several college professors of America quite readily admit that they never thought of that one.

* * *

A correspondent writes to a contemporary to say that he wears a hat exactly like The Daily Mail hat, and that he purchased it long before The Daily Mail was started.  The audacity of some people in thinking that anything happened before The Daily Mail started is simply appalling.

* * *

Three stars have recently been discovered by an American.  No, no; not those stars, but stars in the heavens.

* * *

“Whilst returning to camp one night I walked right into a herd of elephants,” states a well-known explorer in his memoirs.  We have always maintained that all wild animals above the size of a rabbit should carry two head-lights and one rear-light whilst travelling after dark.

* * *

A small island was advertised for sale last week.  Just the sort of thing for a bad sailor to take with him when crossing the Channel on a rough day.

* * *

“Everyone knows,” a writer in The Daily Mail declares, “that electric light in the poultry-house results in more eggs.”  There may be more of them but they never have the real actinic taste of the natural egg.

* * *

An American inventor has devised a scheme for lassoing enemy submarines.  This is a decided improvement on the method of just sticking a pin into them as they whizz by.

* * *

Since the talk of Prohibition in Scotland, we are informed that one concert singer began the chorus of the famous Scottish ballad by singing “O ye’ll tak the dry road.”

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[Illustration:  Mrs. Jones.  “You’d see in the papers, John, about the agitation in favour of the wife governing the home.”

Mr. Jones.  “Well, carry on, dear.”]

* * * * *

From an article on “Bullies at the Bar":—­

    “He who had read his ’Pickwick’—­and who has not?—­will never
    forget the trial scene where poor, innocent Mr. Pickwick is as
    wax in the hands of the cross-examiner.”

    Provincial Paper.

We regret to say that, in our edition, Mr. Serjeant Snubbin omitted to put his client in the witness-box, and consequently Mr. Serjeant Buzfuz never had a chance of showing what he could do with him.

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