CHARIVARIA.

Now that the Presidential elections are over it is hoped that any Irish-Americans who joined the Sinn Fein murder-gang for electioneering purposes will go home again.

* * *

Owing to pressure on space, due among other things to the American election, the net sale controversy in one of our contemporaries was held over on Wednesday last.  We are quite sure that neither Senator Harding nor Mr. Cox was aware of his responsibility in the matter.

* * *

Lord Howard de Walden says, “I would rather trust a crossing-sweeper with an appreciation of music than a man who comes from a public school.”  We agree.  The former is much more likely to have been a professional musician in his time.

* * *

The mystery of the Scottish golf club that was recently inundated with applications for membership is now explained.  It appears that a caddy refused a tip of sixpence offered him by one of the less affluent members, and the story somehow leaked out.

* * *

At one Hallowe’en dinner held in London the haggis was ten minutes late.  It is said that it had had trouble with a dog on the way and had come off second best.

* * *

The man who was heard last week to say that he had no idea that Mrs. Asquith had published a book of memoirs has now, on the advice of his friends, consented to see a doctor.

* * *

The clergy of Grays, in Essex, are advocating the abolition of Sunday funerals.  It is said that quite a number of strict Sabbatarians have a rooted objection to being buried on the Sabbath.

* * *

According to an evening paper hawthorn buds have been plucked at Hornsey.  We don’t care.

* * *

A Liberal Independent writes to ask if the Mr. Lloyd George, who has been elected Lord Rector of Edinburgh University, is the well-known Prime Minister of that name.

* * *

A firm of music publishers have produced what they describe as a three-quarter one-step.  It will soon be impossible to go to a dance without being accompanied by a professional arithmetician.

* * *

It seems that high prices have even put an end to the chicken that used to cross the road.

* * *

“Only through poverty,” says Mr. Maurice Hewlett, “will England thrive.”  As a result of this statement we understand that several profiteers have decided to get down to it once again.

* * *

A Japanese arrested at Hull was found to have seven revolvers and two thousand rounds of ammunition on him.  It was pointed out to him that the War was over long ago.

* * *

A contemporary refers to a romance which ended in marriage.  Alas! how often this happens.

* * *

The United States Government has decided to recognise the present Mexican Government.  Mexican bandits say they had better take a good look at them while there is yet time.