That was her own breast, she said to herself, and there was no hope of escape from the fever of its wound.  A curious physical fear took possession of her, parching her throat and robbing her of breath.  It was a recoil from the conviction that she must continue to suffer because her son, so young even for his twenty-three years, had openly flouted her for one of the harpies of the city and delivered over his manhood to the gossip-mongers of Rome.

Seeking now the sting of the winter air which she had been avoiding, she pushed the heavy draperies aside and hurried into the atrium.  Through an opening in the roof a breath from December blew refreshingly, seeming almost to ruffle the hair of the little marble Pan who played his pipes by the rim of the basin sunk in the centre of the hall to catch the rain-water from above.  She had taken pains years ago to bring the quaint, goat-footed figure to Rome from Assisi, because the laughing face, set there within a bright-coloured garden, had seemed to her a happy omen on the day when she came as a bride to her husband’s house, and in the sullen hours of her later sorrow had comforted her more than the words of her friends.

As she saw it now, exiled and restrained within a city house, a new longing came upon her for her Umbrian home.  Even the imperious winds which sometimes in the winter swept up the wide valley, and leaped over the walls of Assisi and shrieked in the streets, were better than the Roman Aquilo which during these last days had been biting into the very corners of the house.  And how often, under the winter sun, the northern valley used to lie quiet and serene, its brown vineyards and expectant olive orchards held close within the shelter of the blue hills which stretched protectingly below the snow-covered peaks of the Apennines.  How charming, too, the spring used to be, when the vineyards grew green, and the slow, white oxen brought the produce of the plain up the steep slopes to the town.

She wondered now why, in leaving Assisi when Propertius was a child, she had not foreseen her own regretful loneliness.  Her reason for leaving had been the necessity of educating her son, but the choice had been made easy by the bitterness in her own life.  Her husband had died when the child was eight years old, and a year later her brother, who had bulwarked her against despair, had been killed in the terrible siege of Perugia.

Her own family and her husband’s had never been friendly to Caesar’s successor.  Her husband’s large estates had been confiscated when Octavius came back from Philippi, and her brother had eagerly joined Antony’s brother in seizing the old Etruscan stronghold across the valley from Assisi and holding it against the national troops.  The fierce assaults, the prolonged and cruel famine, the final destruction of a prosperous city by a fire which alone saved it from the looting of Octavius’s soldiers, made a profound impression upon all Umbria.  Her own home seemed to be physically darkened by evil memories.  Her mind strayed morbidly in the shadows, forever picturing her brother’s last hours in some fresh guise of horror.  She recovered her self-control only through the shock of discovering that her trouble was eating into her boy’s life also.