However, so much calculation, hesitation, and coldness had dissipated the little illusion which the young captive had left, and reduced her feelings to deep esteem.  She devoted rather than gave herself.  It appeared to her sublime to immolate herself for the happiness of a worthy man; and she consummated this sacrifice with all the seriousness of reason and without a grain of heartfelt enthusiasm.  Her marriage was to her an act of virtue, which she performed, not because it was agreeable to her, but because she deemed it sublime.

The pupil of Jean Jacques Rousseau is seen again at this decisive moment of her existence.  The marriage of Madame Roland is a palpable imitation of that of Heloise with M. de Volmar.  But the bitterness of reality was not slow in developing itself beneath the heroism of her devotion.  “By dint,” she herself says, “of occupying myself with the happiness of the man with whom I was associated, I felt that something was wanting to my own.  I have not for a moment ceased to see in my husband one of the most estimable persons that exists, and to whom it was an honour to me to belong; but I often felt that similarity was wanting between us,—­that the ascendency of a dominating temper, united to that of twenty years more of age, made one of these superiorities too much.  If we lived in solitude, I had sometimes very painful hours to pass:  if we went into the world, I was liked by persons, some one of whom I was fearful might affect me too closely.  I plunged into my husband’s occupations, became his copying clerk, corrected his proofs, and fulfilled the task with an unrepining humility, which contrasted strongly with a spirit as free and tried as mine.  But this humility proceeded from my heart:  I respected my husband so much, that I always liked to suppose that he was superior to myself.  I had such a dread of seeing a shade over his countenance, he was so tenacious of his own opinions, that it was a long time before I ventured to contradict him.  To this labour I joined that of my house; and observing that his delicate health could not endure every kind of diet, I always prepared his meals with my own hands.  I remained with him four years at Amiens, and became there a mother and nurse.  We worked together at the Encyclopedie Nouvelle, in which the articles relative to commerce had been confided to him.  We only quitted this occupation for our walks in the vicinity of the town.”

Roland, dictatorial and exacting, had insisted from the beginning of their marriage, that his wife should refrain from seeing her young and attached friends whom she had loved in the convent, and who lived at Amiens.  He dreaded the least participation of affection.  His prudence outstepped the bounds of reason.  To an union as solemn as marriage, the pleasure of friendship was necessary.  This tyranny of an exclusive feeling was not compensated by love.  Roland demanded every thing from his wife’s compliance.  If there was no faltering in her conduct, still she felt these sacrifices, and joyed over the accomplishment of her duties as the stoic enjoys his sufferings.