Different men always admire different qualities of the same woman, and the beauty of the much-married lady would be developed far beyond that of her who had only one husband, because a recognised virtue is stimulated.

If a man admires a woman’s teeth, she gets new kinds of dentifrice and constantly endeavours to add to their whiteness.  If he speaks approvingly of her hair, various tonics are purchased.  If he alludes to her mellow voice, she tries conscientiously to make it more beautiful still.

There is a suspected but not verified relation between a man’s affection and his digestion.  With this ideal method of marriage in force, the dyspeptics could go off by themselves until they felt better, and not be bothered with tender inquiries concerning their health.  If the latch key unaccountably refused to work at two o’clock in the morning, some other member of the husband could always assist the absent ones in, and Madam would never know how many were late.

[Sidenote:  The Financial Burden]

The financial burden would indeed be light.  The household expenses might be divided equally and relieving the wife’s necessities would be the happiness of all.  One might assume the responsibility of her gowns, another of her hats and gloves, another might keep her supplied with bonbons, matinee tickets, flowers, and silk stockings, another might attend to her jackets and her club dues, her jewels might be the care of another, and so on.  It would be the joy of all of them to see their peerless wife well dressed, and when she wanted anything in particular, she need only smile sweetly upon the one whose happy lot it was to have charge of that department of expense.

There would be no friction, no discord.  Madam would be blissfully content, and men have claimed for years that they could live together much more amicably than women, and that they never quarrel among themselves, save in rare instances.  This, they say, is because they are so liberal in their views, but a great many men are so broad-minded that it makes their heads flat.

It is strange that this happy form of polygamy did not occur to Herr Schopenhauer.  It may be because he was a pessimist—­and a man.

[Sidenote:  The Most Nervous Time]

The most nervous time of a man’s life is the day of his wedding.  The bachelors and benedicts give different reasons for this when they are gently approached upon the subject, but the majority admit, with lovable and refreshing conceit, that it is because of their innate modesty and their aversion to conspicuous prominence.

If this is truly the reason, the widespread fear may be much lessened, for in the grand matrimonial pageant, the man is the most obscure member of the procession.  People are not apt to think of him at all until the ceremony is over and the girl has a new name.  What he wears is of no consequence, and he has no wedding gifts, though he may be remembered for a moment if he gives a diamond star to the bride.  Yet it is this ceremony which changes him from a vassal to a king.  Before marriage he is a low and useless trump, but afterward he is ace high in the game.