“‘Well,’ says I, ’you know my idiosyncrasies.  I prefer a square, non-illegal style of business such as we are carrying on now.  When I take money I want to leave some tangible object in the other fellow’s hands for him to gaze at and to distract his attention from my spoor, even if it’s only a Komical Kuss Trick Finger Ring for Squirting Perfume in a Friend’s Eye.  But if you’ve got a fresh idea, Andy,’ says I, ’let’s have a look at it.  I’m not so wedded to petty graft that I would refuse something better in the way of a subsidy.’

“‘I was thinking,’ says Andy, ’of a little hunt without horn, hound or camera among the great herd of the Midas Americanus, commonly known as the Pittsburg millionaires.’

“‘In New York?’ I asks.

“‘No, sir,’ says Andy, ’in Pittsburg.  That’s their habitat.  They don’t like New York.  They go there now and then just because it’s expected of ’em.’

“’A Pittsburg millionaire in New York is like a fly in a cup of hot coffee—­he attracts attention and comment, but he don’t enjoy it.  New York ridicules him for “blowing” so much money in that town of sneaks and snobs, and sneers.  The truth is, he don’t spend anything while he is there.  I saw a memorandum of expenses for a ten days trip to Bunkum Town made by a Pittsburg man worth $15,000,000 once.  Here’s the way he set it down: 

R. R. fare to and from . . . . . . . . $   21 00
Cab fare to and from hotel . . . . . .      2 00
Hotel bill @ $5 per day  . . . . . . .     50 00
Tips . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  5,750 00
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Total . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $5,823 00

“‘That’s the voice of New York,’ goes on Andy.  ’The town’s nothing but a head waiter.  If you tip it too much it’ll go and stand by the door and make fun of you to the hat check boy.  When a Pittsburger wants to spend money and have a good time he stays at home.  That’s where we’ll go to catch him.’

“Well, to make a dense story more condensed, me and Andy cached our paris green and antipyrine powders and albums in a friend’s cellar, and took the trail to Pittsburg.  Andy didn’t have any especial prospectus of chicanery and violence drawn up, but he always had plenty of confidence that his immoral nature would rise to any occasion that presented itself.

“As a concession to my ideas of self-preservation and rectitude he promised that if I should take an active and incriminating part in any little business venture that we might work up there should be something actual and cognizant to the senses of touch, sight, taste or smell to transfer to the victim for the money so my conscience might rest easy.  After that I felt better and entered more cheerfully into the foul play.

“‘Andy,’ says I, as we strayed through the smoke along the cinderpath they call Smithfield street, ’had you figured out how we are going to get acquainted with these coke kings and pig iron squeezers?  Not that I would decry my own worth or system of drawing room deportment, and work with the olive fork and pie knife,’ says I, ’but isn’t the entree nous into the salons of the stogie smokers going to be harder than you imagined?’