“I expect they think we’re rather too fond of spreading broad our phylacteries,” said the Assistant Provost Marshal.  “Now I’m a sort of licensing authority, Brewster Sessions in fact, for this commune, and the estaminet proprietors think I’m a Temperance fanatic,” he said, as he put forth his hand for the whisky bottle.  “One of them told me the other day he preferred a German occupation to a British one, because the Huns let him sell as much spirits to their men as he liked.  And yet I’m sure the little finger of a French provost-marshal is thicker than my loins any day.”

“Yes,” said the Camp Commandant, “it’s our melancholy duty to be impertinent.  I’m supposed to read all you fellows’ letters before I stamp them.  I’d be rather glad if they were liable to be censored again at the Base or somewhere else en route; it would relieve me of any compunction about the first reading, the text and preamble of the envelope would be good enough for me.  You fellows write abominably.”

“I’m something of a handwriting expert myself,” said the A.P.M., ignoring the aspersion.  “They have changed the colour of the passes again this month, and so I’m engaged in a fresh study of the A.G.’s signature; I believe he changes his style of handwriting with the colour of the pass.  I wonder what is the size of the A.G.’s bank balance,” he murmured dreamily; “I believe I could now forge his signature very artistically.”

“I wish some one would start a school of handwriting at G.H.Q.,” said the A.D.M.S.  “I believe I receive more chits than any man on the staff.”  “Chits,” it should be explained, are the billets-doux of the Army wherein officers send tender messages to one another and make assignations.

“Did you hear about that chit the Camp Commandant at the Headquarters of the ——­th Corps sent to the A.Q.M.G.?” asked the A.P.M.  “No?  Well, the A.Q.M.G. of the other Army wrote to Ferrers asking if they had made use of any Ammonal and, if so, whether the results were satisfactory.  Ferrers sent it on to the Camp Commandant for report and the Camp Commandant wrote back a chit saying plaintively, ’This is not understood.  For what purpose is Ammonal used—­is it a drug or an explosive?’ Ferrers told him to ask the Medical Officer attached to Corps headquarters, which he did.  Thereupon he wrote back another chit to Ferrers, saying that the M.O. had informed him that ‘Ammonal’ was a compound drug extensively used in America in cases of abnormal neurotic excitement, and that, so far as he knew, it was not a medical issue to Corps H.Q.  He therefore regretted that he was unable to report results, but promised that if occasion should arise to administer it to any of the Corps H.Q. personnel he would faithfully observe the effects and report the same.  When the A.Q.M.G. read the reply he betrayed a quite abnormal degree of neurotic excitement; in fact, he was quite nasty about it.”

“What the devil did he mean?” asked the A.D.M.S.