I ask you, ye intolerable creatures,
  Why raise this wholly execrable din,
  O objects of dislike to the discreet? 
  Six hundred persons, also sixty-two
  (Almost the very number of the Beast)
  Have voted for you, and defend your gates. 
  Moreover, mark my subtle argument:—­
  When gates are locked no person can get in
  Without unlocking them:  your gates are locked,
  And I have got the key:  so that, unless
  I ope the gates, the foe cannot get in. 
  This statement is Pure Reason:  or, if this
  Is not Pure Reason, I don’t know what is.

  CHORUS

  Holy Reason! sacred Nous! [3]
  Thou that hast for ever parted
  From the Cambridge Senate House,
  Make, O make us valiant hearted! 
  Wisdom, still residing here,
  Calm our mind and chase our fear
  While with wild discordant clamour
  On our College gate they hammer!

[Confused Noise without.]

Hemich. a. [4] Horrid things!  I really wonder
how they ever dared to come,
When they know to base Non-Placets
that we’re always Not At Home.

Hemich.  B. [4] ’Tis a national dishonour: 
’tis the century’s disgrace.

Hemich. a. If the College rules allowed it,
I should like to scratch their face.

Hemich.  B. Never mind! a time is coming
when despite of all their Dons
We will sack the hall of Jesus,
and enjoy the wealth of John’s!

Hemich. a. Vengeance! let us face the foe-man,
boldly bear the battle’s brunt,
With our Placets to assist us
and our chaperons in front!

[Alarums; Excursions—­special trains for voters.]

(A violation of the rule “Ne pueros coram populo Medea trucidet” is about to commence, when—­)

Enter APOLLO

(With apologies to Dr V-rr-ll for his profligate character.)

  When all too deftly poets tie the knot
  And can’t untwist their complicated plot,
  ’Tis then that comes by Jove’s supreme decrees
  The useful theos apo mechanes. [5]
  Rash youths! forbear ungallantly to vex
  Your fellow students of the softer sex! 
  Ladies! proud leaders of our culture’s van,
  Crush not too cruelly the reptile Man! 
  Or by experience you, as now, will learn
  Th’ eternal maxim’s truth, that e’en a worm will turn.

[1.  Transcriber’s note:  The words “Pheu” and “pheu” were transliterated from the Greek as follows:  “Pheu”—­Phi, epsilon, upsilon; “pheu”—­phi, epsilon, upsilon.]

[2.  Transcriber’s note:  The words “otototoi” and “ototototoi” were transliterated from the Greek as follows:  the “ot” pairs—­omicron (with the rough-breathing diacritical), tau; the trailing “i”—­iota.]

[3.  Transcriber’s note:  The word “Nous” was transliterated from the Greek as follows:  Nu, omicron, upsilon, sigma.]