“Photographs! photographs!” he would repeat, in a voice as creaky as a rusty hinge.

The very helmsman just behind him got uneasy at that performance, not being capable of understanding exactly what the “old man was kicking up a row with the mate about.”

Then Johns, after calming down a bit, would begin again.

“The sensitised plate can’t lie.  No, sir.”

Nothing could be more funny than this ridiculous little man’s conviction—­his dogmatic tone.  Bunter would go on swinging up and down the poop like a deliberate, dignified pendulum.  He said not a word.  But the poor fellow had not a trifle on his conscience, as you know; and to have imbecile ghosts rammed down his throat like this on top of his own worry nearly drove him crazy.  He knew that on many occasions he was on the verge of lunacy, because he could not help indulging in half-delirious visions of Captain Johns being picked up by the scruff of the neck and dropped over the taffrail into the ship’s wake—­the sort of thing no sane sailorman would think of doing to a cat or any other animal, anyhow.  He imagined him bobbing up—­a tiny black speck left far astern on the moonlit ocean.

I don’t think that even at the worst moments Bunter really desired to drown Captain Johns.  I fancy that all his disordered imagination longed for was merely to stop the ghostly inanity of the skipper’s talk.

But, all the same, it was a dangerous form of self-indulgence.  Just picture to yourself that ship in the Indian Ocean, on a clear, tropical night, with her sails full and still, the watch on deck stowed away out of sight; and on her poop, flooded with moonlight, the stately black mate walking up and down with measured, dignified steps, preserving an awful silence, and that grotesquely mean little figure in striped flannelette alternately creaking and droning of “personal intercourse beyond the grave.”

It makes me creepy all over to think of.  And sometimes the folly of Captain Johns would appear clothed in a sort of weird utilitarianism.  How useful it would be if the spirits of the departed could be induced to take a practical interest in the affairs of the living!  What a help, say, to the police, for instance, in the detection of crime!  The number of murders, at any rate, would be considerably reduced, he guessed with an air of great sagacity.  Then he would give way to grotesque discouragement.

Where was the use of trying to communicate with people that had no faith, and more likely than not would scorn the offered information?  Spirits had their feelings.  They were all feelings in a way.  But he was surprised at the forbearance shown towards murderers by their victims.  That was the sort of apparition that no guilty man would dare to pooh-pooh.  And perhaps the undiscovered murderers—­whether believing or not—­were haunted.  They wouldn’t be likely to boast about it, would they?

“For myself,” he pursued, in a sort of vindictive, malevolent whine, “if anybody murdered me I would not let him forget it.  I would wither him up—­I would terrify him to death.”