CALIGULA the man (quite mad, of course)
  Conferred the consulship upon his horse.

  Caligula the colt (a trifle saner)
  Makes kings of jockey, purchaser and trainer.

  Sanity counts; I raise my cup of massic
  Not to the earlier but the later “classic.”

* * * * *

=Journalistic Modesty.=

    “I was his [Irving’s] guest regularly at all Lyceum first nights for
    a whole quarter of a century....  He delighted in the company of
    third-rate people.”

C.K.S. in “The Sphere."

* * * * *

[Illustration:  The Master. “TCHA!  THIS BACON TASTES SIMPLY BEASTLY.”

The Mistress. “GLADYS, WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE BACON WE SET ASIDE FOR POISONING THE RATS?”]

* * * * *

FASHION AND PHYSIQUE.

The heightened stature of women was a favourite topic in anthropometric circles long before the War.  It seems, however, that they are not going to rest content with their present standard of altitude, but are invoking the resources of Art to render it even more conspicuous.  We do not speak rashly or without book. The Evening News announced on September 8th that “Women are to be taller this autumn.”  Nature may be in the Fall, but women are on the rise.  The mode by which this effect of elongation—­so dear to Art—­is to be attained is described in detail by the Paris correspondent of our contemporary as follows:—­

“A fluffy and very high head-dress will be worn this autumn.  The effect is obtained by the aid of pads, and adds some inches to a woman’s stature....  Another type of coiffure is being adopted by some hairdressers, who leave the hair flat and smooth round the face, and only make a sort of bird’s-nest of the ends, which stand well up so as to lengthen the profile in an upward direction.”

Nothing, however, is said about the relation of fashion to the physique of the sterner sex.  To correct this omission Mr. Punch has interviewed a number of West-End tailors, hatters, hosiers and bootmakers.  The results of this inquiry may be briefly summarised.

Heads are to be larger this autumn, and to keep pace with the extraordinary development of brain amongst our insurgent youth, as evidenced by the correspondence in The Morning Post, it has been found necessary to make a radical change in the stock sizes of hats.  But, where there has been no cranial distension, provision will be made to remedy the defect by the insertion of a cork sheath, by the aid of which a head of undersized circumference will be able to wear a No. 8 hat.  Again, to meet the needs of customers in whom the temperature of the cranial region is habitually high, a hat has been devised with a vacuum lining for the insertion of cold water.  The “Beverley” nickel-plated refrigerating helmet, as it is called, has already found a large sale amongst Balliol undergraduates.